Loss Fragment

CHAPTER 29: All About Love

Ella POV

This is all too much. I wish I knew what to do.

Do I love Maxwell?

I don't know.

What I do know, I do like him a lot. He makes me feel special. He makes me feel like I'm worth it. That is something I have not felt in the past. Feeling worthy.

When Damon left. I felt worthless. Hopeless. When he left, I figured that was it. I'm going to grow old alone and lonely. And, it was all my fault that he left. I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough for him. Or for anyone.

I loved him. I know deep down the old Ella would still love him. The old Ella hasn't move on. The old Ella wanted to treasure the memories she had with Damon.

What if someday I remember it all? All the little details.

What if someday I remember how it feels, exactly, to love this man, Damon?

What if someday I woke up and couldn't undo what I felt for him?

But, Maxwell and I make a baby together. He had always been there for me all this time. He makes me feel like it is possible for me to actually have a chance at a relationships. He makes me feel like he actually wants me.

But, isn't that how it all started in the past?

Damon made you feel like he loved you. Like we had a chance together. Like I actually meant something for him. And, after all that, he still leave. He left you, Ella. He said he loved you and then he left you.

Someday, the same shit will happen again. Maxwell will leave too. He will see that I'm not worth it. That I'm not good enough to be the woman in his life or the mother of his children.

And, it will break me. Again.

Maybe it's best to just walk away and leave now. And stop this before it happens. Before it's too late. Before I feel too much for him.

Ella looks down at her small baby bump. And, she started to rub her tummy. It's incredible how she already started to love the little 'blop'.

"You have to do this. It's for the best Ella." She whispered to herself.

Mommy loves you so much. But, mommy is not a good person. Mommy doesn't deserve you little one. You don't deserve to be out here. It's not a good place. People will hurt you. I know how that feels.

Ella lay in bed and closed her eyes. She feels really tired. Everything is too much right now. She feels too much. It drained her emotionally and physically.

She just wants to sleep.

Patrick POV

She is going to hate you. But, it's the right thing to do.

He started dialing. "Hey, we need to talk."

"Is she okay?" Maxwell sounded anxious.

For some reasons I have a good feeling that Maxwell could be what Ella needs right now. "Just come over." And, he hung up.

It didn't take long for Maxwell to reach his place. He reckons Maxwell probably stays at a hotel nearby.

"I've seen her like this. I think you deserve to know something." I looked up to see Maxwell's expression.

The man just stared at him, waiting patiently. But, he could tell it would probably kill him right now to know what's going on.

"Ella had severe depression and anxiety after her last relationship. She isolated herself. Just like she is doing right now." I stopped for a while to let what I said be absorbed by Maxwell who didn't seem to expect that piece of information.

I got up and took something from the kitchen cabinet. "I found this in her bag." I throw the prescription bottle to Maxwell.

"Are you saying what I think you were saying?" Maxwell looked down at the prescription bottle in his hand.

"She is just not herself when she is like this. I'm telling you this because I think she can be a danger to herself."

And, I don't want to lose her. She's all I've got.

Max POV

I look down at the Sleeping tablets prescription bottle in my hand. The cap is already opened. So, she probably has been taking some to help her sleep.

I remember Patrick mentioned that Ella has been sleeping a lot. Was it because of the tablets? That couldn't be healthy for the baby.

Like Patrick said. We need to do something. But, first I need to make a few phone calls.

"Take her somewhere new. Take her to do things that help her to relax. And, just be there for her." Collins said from the other line.

Santorini.

I remember she said she likes Santorini. And, she has never been.

"Ask John to get the jet ready. We are heading to Greece." Maybe this is what she needs. A new environment, that she actually likes.