build me up. (ON HOLD)

SEVEN

chapter seven.
smoked paprika
november 5th

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HE'S BEEN AVOIDING ME. It's been a while since we hung out, and I think I indefinitely scared him away. It's not common for people to be given a chance to reconnect with their past friends, so my reaction was not easy to gauge. At first, he had a look of disbelief on his face, hesitantly inquiring about how I knew him and asking me who I was, which was redundant, but maybe in his eyes, he thought I was some sort of stalker.

I had speedily explained to him who I was and how I knew him, referencing all the memories I had with him and recounting the years I spent trying to find him but eventually gave up, his face hadn't shown an ounce of recognition. All he told me was that he had class and that he needed time to think.

In other words, stay away from me.

I tried texting him a few times after the abrupt end to our time together, but it was futile as he only read my messages and did not respond. I had given up shortly after, feeling dejected and rejected, both strong emotions that I thought I had learned to deal with years ago in high school. I had cried my eyes out when I gave up, feeling as if I had ruined the opportunity to find friendship.

I was embarrassed to show my face on campus for fear I'd run into him again. His friends, whom I had known because of volleyball, had started declining scrimmages with us and even stopped coming to our open gym practices. My teammates knew what happened and had encouraged me that all would be okay, but it wasn't. I've tried not to allow my emotions and thoughts to get the best of me, remaining positive and accepting of what happened in hopes that I can power through to the end of the semester by not letting it affect me.

It took a lot of courage but each day felt like I was stronger. Though I felt strangely connected to Peter, I knew that this wasn't the end of the world and that life continued. I hadn't told my mom what happened and she often questioned my change in attitude, noting that I became closed off and something in her knew something wasn't right. Motherly intuition is something to fear, honestly, and I could only play hide and seek for so long but I was persistent in dropping it, which she reluctantly respected.

Currently, I'm at Kroger shopping for some food for the house. Partly because I agreed to cook dinner with my mom and also for an opportunity to get out of the house.  We also haven't been cooking our meals in a while and I felt more determined to make use of the time I had by spending it with my mom. My brother, mother, and I decided we would have stuffed bell peppers, and I was still on the hunt for some seasonings.

I had turned down the aisles where a few other women were. I was searching for some smoked paprika, and it was difficult to find for some reason. Placing my cart on the other side of the aisle, I knelt and began searching for the seasoning.

"Hi, do you work here?" a clear, strong accented voice spoke out.

From my recollection, I had not seen a worker in this aisle so I assumed maybe I was just hearing something from the aisle over. However, I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up at an Asian woman dressed in blue scrubs hovering over me. Her cheeks had a pink tinge to them and her hair was in a tight bun on the top of her head. She had a few freckles on the bridge of her nose and a little mole near the corner of her right eye. She looked young, but I could also see she was a mature woman from the confidence in her eyes.

And she also looks vaguely familiar. Something about the smile on her face and the kind brown eyes she had felt almost nostalgic.

"No ma'am, I am not," I stood up from my knelt position. I had just found the smoked paprika in that second.