build me up. (ON HOLD)

THIRTEEN

chapter thirteen.
confession
December 6th

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WINTER BREAK WAS FINALLY HERE. It was freezing beyond belief, but manageable at the very least. The semester was finally over, and I had one more left before I graduated. I had fewer classes and plenty more time to spend doing exciting things, which included spending more time with my friends and investing in my physical and mental well-being.

After the night spent at Peter's apartment, I realized just how much my feelings had grown over the short while. It went from missing him to loving him, and currently, I was experiencing what felt like a spiritual whiplash. My dreams were filled with his face and kind words, and my days seemed to go by fast when I thought of him.

But here I am, at the finish line of gaining the degree I've always wanted, and now my days leading up to it were filled with a man I hardly knew. Though I knew him as a child, the adult him was more complex and required more energy and time. And I wasn't sure if I was available to unlock myself to that idea, let alone if he would consider it based on the age difference.

Age, when you're an adult, can be all but a number, but maturity outweighs it. I don't feel that I'm able to foster a healthy, mature relationship with someone older than me, let alone understand them.

Maybe this feeling I have will melt away with the snow during this break. But it wouldn't go down without a fight.

Peter and I have been texting for a while now. Every day I learn more about him and his way of thinking, and we have similar ideas. How he holds himself is professional and reliable, he's friendly and sincere, and always has a smile on his face the more I've been around him. I enjoyed spending time with him.

"What are you thinking about?" Natasha's accented voice asked.

We had just finished volleyball practice, and Natasha and I were putting up the rest of the equipment. It was our last practice of the semester, and all the girls were meeting at a nearby Pho place tonight. Natasha and I stayed back to finish putting things up so the other girls could go secure a table.

I was pretty zoned out all practice. All I could think about was the upcoming dinner my family was hosting for Peter and his parents.

It was right around the corner, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to find some way to not be there or get it canceled. Granted, I was ecstatic to see his family, but I was feeling uncertain because of my feelings for him and how close we got last time.

We were so close. I woke up with his arms around me and his body spooning me. I had never been held like that before, but because of my impaired state, I ended up sleeping again due to how warm and soft he was. By the time I woke up, it was almost five in the evening, and I had a bunch of missed texts from both my family and friends.

But based on the more recent messages, Peter had gotten a hold of them all and let them know I was okay, and even helped my friends craft a lie about what happened so my mom hadn't known I stayed at his place, in his bed, with his hands gently holding me. I would've found it weird if my friends hadn't called me and explained it all to me.

He had also left me a note that he had to go out and take care of some business, but he bought me food and left me money to get an Uber back to Natasha and Ezra's place.

Since then, my feelings for him have grown deeper at his care for me.

"Mmm," I hummed out, biting my lip as we folded the net neatly and placed it in the volleyball cart.

"When did you tell Nolan you liked him?" I asked, not wanting to admit my thoughts, but enough to get some general advice.

"Ah! I knew it," Natasha squealed as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the cart.