Souls | Severus Snape

11 | Second Chance

"I cannot lose you, Y/N."

He only realised that he was crying when he finally felt your steady heartbeat, and he buried himself in your hair, crying even harder as it dawned to him that you were safe now. Severus' heart was at ease, but the fear of losing you was overwhelming him and he did not care about anything else as he held you close to him, tears rolled down upon his cheeks.

It had been such a long time since he last cried, and now he could not hold his tears anymore. The thought of you dying in his arms was painful, and it rang through his head that he was the cause of your devastation. The pain was unbearable, and to see you lying in your pool of blood was something that he despised.

Severus carried you to your bed, attending to your wound and cleaned you up a bit. He did all of those things with his mind cruelly reminding him that you were trying to take your own life because of him, and he was the cause of every pain you had felt.

He wanted to leave, thinking that you would hate to see him when you wake up but his heart was telling him to stay as he wanted to apologise as soon as you open your eyes. His apologies was long overdue and he knew he needed to tell you how sorry he was, and that he wanted you in his life.  

He dragged a chair to the side of your bed, sitting down next to you and his eyes never left your figure. The fear was haunting him, and he did not know if he could ever forget how terrifying it was to feel your weakened heartbeat, thinking that he almost lost you if he was not there quick enough.

His heart spiralled in guilt and regret, staring at you who was still unconscious. You looked so fragile and vulnerable, so different than the first time he had met you. It was as if the light had seeped away from your body and it was grudgingly replaced with agony.

Severus did not know how long it had been, but when your eyes fluttered open, tears welled up in his eyes. His soulmate was safe and sound, and he would do anything to ask for your forgiveness.

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion when you realised you were in your bed, and your eyes grew wide when you saw Severus sitting next to you, his dark eyes were brimming with tears and his hair was dishevelled like he had pulled on it in a fit of rage.

The last thing you remembered was you being so deep in devastation and self loathe that you were in the bathroom, not in bed. Everything came to you and you winced slightly, your head pounded as you tore your gaze away from him. You remembered what you did, but you did not want to believe the reason of him being in your room, when you were very much alive.

"How— Did you...?"

You were not sure what to say, and you flinched when Severus put his hand on top of yours. It did not go unnoticed by Potions Master but he did not pull away, letting his hand warmed up your cold one, his thumb ran over your knuckles softly.

"Why did you save me?"

Your voice was shaking, as your breath hooked onto the lump of your throat. He saved you, when he said that he wanted you gone. He saved you, when he told you that it would be better if you never existed in his life. He saved you, when you thought you had no reason to live anymore. He saved you, but for what reason?

"Because you're my soulmate, and I cannot lose you."

He said, and you stared at him, unable to comprehend what game was he playing with you this time. It almost felt like he was trying to toy with your feelings, wanting to see how far you could drown yourself in his lies, when it was clear that he did not care about you. But you had never seen him in such a vulnerable state that you almost believed his words, that he was afraid of losing you. Almost.