Libertas

Libertas-Introduction

I look at my wall and imagine the thousands of different worlds that are out there. In the universe, the sky, in the stars. Wait, stars are a good symbol for life. They are bright and you can see them even when things are dark. I quickly get a Sharpie from my desk drawer and draw a cluster of stars on my wrist. I watch as the dark ink bleeds through my skin like water running through a river.

I use drawing as a way to express myself. My walls are filled with faces and landscapes from a world of my imagination. One of my favorite made-up worlds is Libertas. Libertas is a place where everyone is free. Everyone is liked. Everyone is loved. It's the opposite of me.

I also write. I make stories about fairies living in Libertas. I want to be like them. Small, magical, and graceful. Mom says that I'm clumsy. That I'm too tall. That I'm not good enough. I try not to think about what she says.

One of my favorite fairies is Angelica. Angelica is just like my sister, Annie. Smart, kind, and caring. Annie's in college so I don't see her much except for holidays. I'm glad that she got the life she wanted. Mom says that she is only paying for Annie to go to college. She says I have to stay at home and help her until she passes. I say yes because I don't want to disappoint.

I don't have any friends. At least it feels like I don't. I have 2 "friends". Their names are Hazel and Julia. Hazel is my best friend but it doesn't seem like that now. We've known each other since we played on the same soccer team in preschool. I thought that we would be friends forever because she was always there for me. Julia is one of Hazel's neighbors. They met last summer when Julia moved in. I wish she had never come here. I wish that I had Hazel to myself. But now I don't even want Hazel. She hurt me.

What if I leave? Leave my life behind? Mom? Annie? Hazel and Julia? Would they miss me? I don't think so. Maybe my pet fish, Bubbles, would miss me. Would I have enough money? Would I live on the streets? Would I survive? I didn't think about any of that. I just left.

I was digging through my closet looking for my science textbook when I saw the letter Dad wrote me before he left;

"You are so beautiful. Remember I will always love you."

As soon as I found that letter, I packed up my teddy bear, blanket, a sweatshirt and sweatpants combo, a dead old phone with a charger, and my wallet. Mom wouldn't even know I left. She went to bed at 11 pm last night after throwing up for an hour because of food poisoning. I felt bad. Leaving her there, just to be all alone. I said goodbye and gave her the biggest, warmest hug I could give and didn't look back.