|56| fear and worry

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He saw her before he saw
Anything else in the room.
~F. Scott Fitzgerald
______________

I watch Vanessa's even breathing as she sleeps on my chest, her hand resting near my heart along with her warm comforting presence makes me tear up,

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I watch Vanessa's even breathing as she sleeps on my chest, her hand resting near my heart along with her warm comforting presence makes me tear up,

This girl entered my life and completely flipped everything upside down, any thoughts I may have had that I'd never love again, or smile and enjoy life vanished out of the cold dark room I was trapped in,

She lit the room on fire with her heating presence, she brought joy to my life when I thought all I would have in my life was misery and pain,

Her pain was kept from the world, masked by her bright smile that held lies and the truth that no one knew, it physically pains me to think about her living with this realization for years without having someone by her side, to hold her hand, and be there to wipe her tears when she feels weak and like there's no more hope left,

I love her with everything I am, every dark horrendous part of me loves her entirely, the deepest parts of me that are filled with hatred and agony have been replaced with the love I never thought I'd feel again.

I gently rake my fingers through her hair, holding on to the girl who's my whole life, touching her and still not comprehending her existence, the fear of losing her is too much for my brain to wrap itself around, its as if my heart can't even think of the possibility of her not living in the same city as me...let alone the world

"I love you more than anyone has ever loved someone, and I promise to do anything possible to give you a second chance at life" I whisper into her hair

I sigh quietly grabbing my phone and making sure not to disturb Vanessa's sleep, I see a text from my lawyer saying we need to be at court next week, I text him back confirming the date and time for the trial,

After, I dial my mother

"hey, hun everything okay?"

I take a deep breath still gently running my fingers through Vanessa's hair

"Can I have dinner with you and father today? I need to talk to you about something" I say quietly

I hear shuffling in the background and the unmistakable voice of my father most likely eating his breakfast before work, the mother asks him something and they talk in hushed tones

"That sounds good, will Vanessa be joining you?"

"No it will just be me, how does dinner time sound?"

"sounds good, is everything alright with Vanessa?"

I smile at the fact mother cares for Vanessa, it's just a small detail, but I appreciate that my parents see the pure treasure she is

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