Rescued and Ruined

Chapter 9 - Raeni

My fingers pick at the fraying hem of the hospital gown, their need to stroke and knead too great to deny.

They want to touch other things, but I refuse to give those parts of myself any attention—plucking at the thread means my eager fingers won't seek out my throbbing nipples or aching core.

I live in a world of in between, where nothing makes sense and time doesn't exist. A blanket of numbing drugs tampers my senses, for which I'm very grateful.

I don't want to think about the past. Neither do I aspire to hope for the future. Even the present seems too much. Too scary. Too lonely and painful.

Despite the calming medicine, my thoughts still invade the false peace. Bright pink irises and a devilish grin full of sparkling white teeth keep flashing through my vision. Lust and heat and agony meld together to create a mass of wriggling confusion and need in my veins. The smell still wafting from my hair despite the nurse's attempts to wash it doesn't help either.

I press my back against the wall and tug my knees closer to my chest, picking at the hem of my gown, using the steady rhythm of my fingers to regulate my heart.

"Miss?"

After staring at my busy hands for a moment, I slowly trail my eyes up to the woman standing beside my bed, forcing myself to focus on her.

With pitch black hair pulled back into a ponytail, large glasses perched on her nose, and a worried smile on her lips, she both feels familiar and yet different from anyone I've ever met. I search her expression and take in her stature. She's taller than I, but shorter than most betas, so I can't tell her dynamic by looks alone. When she steps close enough to scent, my fingers slow their picking as I study her pheromones and decide she's a beta.

I know I've never seen her before, but her mannerisms and concern are so much like the sweet ladies who help me in the clinic I go to during my heats.

After I left home and started living on the streets, I found a nonprofit organization and visited the camps they'd set up around Embilte, glad for a safe place to spend my cycles.

I want to trust her, but even though my soul yearns to find the alpha who misused me, I know she's part of the organization he supports. Which means at some point she's going to force me back with him.

Not willing to relive the trauma of his treatment and everything leading up to it, I blank my mind and raise an eyebrow in answer to her question.

"My name is Icarr. How are you feeling?"

Batting away the bombardment of memories, my head gives a little side-to-side jerk. By the time I get my neck under control, I swallow the lump in my throat and meet her gaze again. My shoulder lifts in a shrug while my fingers keep destroying the hem of my gown.

"Will you answer a few questions for me? Simple ones. Just so I can help you better."

My chest shakes and my stomach feels as though a fist clamps around it, but I keep manipulating the material around my feet and try to slow my breathing. After a few shallow breaths, I give her a small nod.

"Good. Thank you, you're being so brave. I'll be quick, but you take as much time as you need to answer. Okay?"

Deciding I can't stay mute for the rest of my life, I push out an ascending note even though I fear releasing any noise will break my control.

"Wonderful. I'll start as easy as I can. First question. What's your name?"

I try to pry my teeth apart to respond, but they refuse to budge. When I glance down at the clipboard in her hands, she offers it to me without hesitation.