Meet Me In The Woods

Neil

Neil really didn't want to go to military school. He also really didn't want to give up acting, and he really didn't want to leave Welton, because leaving Welton meant leaving his friends and the Dead Poets Society. 

There were a few good things about Hellton. There were the poets, his childhood friend Charlie, Knoxious, pathetically in love, Meeks and Pitts, the nerds, even Cameron. And then there was Todd, who he had only known for a bit more than half a term, but who mattered so much already - Todd, who could always make him smile, Todd, with whom he could be himself, even more unapologetically than he could be with Charlie. At Welton, Neil could hope, sometimes. He could hope that maybe he would manage to break away from his father and become an actor instead of a doctor, and that he could live not only that dream, but all his dreams. 

The captain's lessons were one of the good things, too, and if there was one thing he had learned in these classes, it was Carpe Diem. Neil wouldn't - couldn't - let his father take control of his life again. There was too much he hadn't done yet, and too much he might never be able to do. 

What meaning did his life have now he would never return to Hellton? Neil's thoughts wandered to the revolver in his father's study, locked away in his father's desk. But Neil knew where the key was, he had known where the key was for years, and the weapon had been a constant presence in his mind for the last few years. 

A last escape, he had told himself, keep track of your last escape in case he wants more than you can give. 

But Neil didn't really want to die. He just wanted out. He wasn't ready for this escape to be the last one, the one with no going back. 

Shooting himself would mean really never seeing his friends again, at least not until they died after hopefully long, hopefully happy lives. But he'd be jeopardising that happiness if he shot himself now. Charlie would lose his best friend who he'd been attatched at the hip with ever since they were seven, the others would lose a friend and companion, and Todd - God, Todd depended on him. He had depended on him ever since Neil had pulled him along for the ride and integrated him into their group. Todd would be lost without him. 

Besides, he couldn't seize the day if he was dead.  

But which other way was there to leave? 

... 

Well. Leave. 

Neil sprung into action. He rushed over to his wardrobe and grabbed the warmest clothes he could find, along with some shirts for the warmer months. His parents kept two old suitcases in the attic, if he remembered correctly, he would be able to use them - then there was the old sports bag from back when he played in the football club here at home. 

The boy rushed through the house, grinning widely and thanking the Dead Poets Society for all the practice in sneaking around. He packed everything he might need, blankets, a sleeping bag, a camping stove, all the food tins he could find, some matches, a book of poetry and some money he stole from his father's office out of spite. His own stuff, or at least the things he cared about most, were at Welton anyways. 

Then, adrenaline still pumping through his veins, Neil threw on his warmest sweater and his Welton coat and crammed Puck's crown onto his head. He snuck out of the house, grabbing the car keys as quietly as possible. Twice he stepped onto a creaking floorboard, and once one of the suitcases banged against a wall, but somehow he managed not to wake his parents. 

It was still snowing outside. Neil just stood there for a moment, breathing in the freezing air, needles in his lungs. He smiled, a wide, impish grin that lit up more than just his face, and that had teachers running in the opposite direction back at Welton. Neil looked over at his father's car, half coated in snow, and figured this was probably more suicidal than the gun idea.