Lost, Lose (Loose Trilogy #1) UNDER-REVISION

Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Silvestre

"Are you sure you'll take STEM?"

I just stared at the form I was holding. Naka-sign na ang strand na kukuhanin ko sa grade 11. This is interconnected with the course I'll take in college. Hence, there's a part of me screaming that I should take HumSS as it helps me with the law journey.

Just thinking of these makes me feel so lost. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang susundin ko, ang gusto ng puso ko o ang kagustuhan ni Mama para sa akin...

"I'm sure of this." Tumayo ako, to pass the form.

Hindi ko na hinintay si Jameson, pero nakasunod rin naman siya.

As we became grade 11. Maraming nagsasabi na they're intimidated by me, because of my aura. Masyado raw kasi akong seryoso at misteryoso.

But who cares about their impression of me? Hindi naman ito makatutulong sa pag-aaral ko. My goal is to graduate and to let him know that I'm existing.

"Bro, library us!"

"Wha-"

Agad akong hinatak ni Jameson papasama sa kaniya. Papanhik palang sana ako sa building namin nang hatakin niya ako papuntang library. I just got of in training in debate and I want to sleep for a while in the classroom. Pero ito namang kasama ko, masyadong desisyon sa buhay.

We stopped over the third floor of the library. It feels unusual to see Jameson pull me over him to enter the library. Makabasa pa nga lang siya ng isang sentence nakakatulog na agad siya.

"May popormahan ka 'no?" I speculated. Hindi naman 'to magyaya kung hindi.

He's Jameson, I know him. And everyone knows him for being a playboy.

"Wala, ah."

Napatingin na rin tuloy ako sa sinusulyapan niya. Tumaas ang kilay ko nang mapatunayang tama ang hinala ko. I knew it. Nakita ko ang kaklase ko na kasama ang tatlong babaeng taga-ibang strand. Pasimple ko lamang silang sinulyapan at naghanap na ng libro.

Masyado naman kasing halata 'tong si Jameson.

"Pero tama ka, bro. May new crush ako. Yung babaeng katabi ni Wynter, si Lisianthus Yvonne Vezina. HumSS student," detalyadong untag niya.

Muli akong sumulyap sa kanila. I found the girl she's pertaining. Former student na 'to kaya pamilyar sa akin. Her hair looks so long, nakabraid ito na parang kay Elsa habang may ilang takas na buhok na malayang nakabalandana sa mukha niya.

Vezina...

"Hanap mo ako book." He followed me from behind. "Kailangan ko magpa-impress sa kaniya."

Agad naman akong napangisi nang makakita ng librong bagay sa kaniya. Kinuha ko ito at inabot sa kaniya.

"How to be smart?" He read the book title. "Hoy, teka lang." Iniwan ko na siya roon.

I thought back then that I wouldn't enjoy my strand. But somehow, it helps me be distracted. I don't have any plans for anything. Kahit pa masyadong makamundo ang kagustuhan ni Jameson; he loves alcohol, he loves to play with someone's feelings.

Kaya medyo nababahala tuloy ako sa tuwing sumusulyap siya sa babaeng target niya ngayon na palaging bukambibig niya.

Otherwise, may ilang parteng magkasundo kami ni Jameson. We both love Filipino bands such as IV of spades. Sa pag-aaral naman, siya ang tipo ng estyudanteng kampante na makapasa. He doesn't care about his grades that much.

"Hoy, highest. Pinapaabot ni Amari." I boredly glanced at Jameson who was now standing in front. He's holding a plastic cup of a mango graham.

Kumunot ang noo ko.