Short Stories from the Teenage Mind

Before, During, After

The saying goes, if two past lovers can stay friends, either they were never in love, or they still are. It's such a simple way to explain the complexity of ending a relationship, anyone would want to believe it. There's comfort in the finality of the phrase, a promise in the either or.

But when is simple oversimplification? Where do the lines blur? Love is so difficult to define. It's an enigma. But should one not understand where they stand with love, every rule that relies on it dissipates, and they're left without direction. Friends or ex-lovers? Sarah never knew which category she fell into.

On the first chime of the personalized ringtone, she answered the call. "Idiots' advice hotline, what can we help you with today?"

"Ok, you don't need to be an ass about it, my ego is bruised enough from having to call and take your 'I told you so.'" Julian's voice jumped an octave as imitated Sarah's voice.

The corners of Sarah's mouth twitched upwards at the poor emulation. As always, Julian spoke in too high of a pitch, voice cracking on the last note, but the playfulness always shone through and anyone could tell without seeing that his honeyed eyes were sparkling with mirth. Resting her head on her shoulder, Sarah's eyes trailed over the polaroids that fanned the wall above her head board. Fairy lights cascaded down, framing the pictures in a warm yellow glow, a stark contrast to the gray light filtering through the blinds. The photos were a mix of group poses and candids of different friends, but appearing in greater frequency were images of her and Julian. Before, during, and after. In each one they both wore bright smiles that reached their eyes, one set hazel, one golden brown, heads touching in a way that Sarah's dyed blonde hair melted into Julian's natural brunet. All the same, except for one.

Sarah chuckled softly, pivoting to better face the collage. "I'm guessing Charlotte rejected your Happy Meal proposal?"

"She did."

"I still don't know why you thought she'd say yes," Sarah chided, reaching for the odd picture out and unsticking it from the wall. "She's too much like me. No way she'd say yes to getting Happy Meals on a first date."

Tipping her head to the side, she studied the polaroid. It was taken at a fair about eight months into their dalliance, three months before the end. In it, Julian was beaming as always, but winking as he took the picture. Next to him, Sarah had her eyes closed as she kissed his cheek. It was the only picture that could be tied to a specific point in their ever-changing relationship. So clearly during, so clearly proof Sarah had, at one point, wanted to spend her life with him. But in any other photo, it was impossible to differentiate. Sarah knew when her feelings changed and changed again; why didn't the pictures reflect that?

"I still don't see the big deal." Julian huffed.

Sarah only rolled her eyes, repinning the picture. "You're a full grown adult ordering a Happy Meal," she insisted. "It's actually embarrassing."

"My therapist says it's important to embrace your inner child."

Falling back on her bed, Sarah laughed at the ridiculousness of the comment. Then, all at once, her smile fell. There it was. The answer. God, she loved his jokes so much, but it illustrated exactly why their romance fell through. He was a carefree goofball, she was refined and ambitious. People are always growing and changing, figuring themselves out. Realizations happen and feelings shift. It was bittersweet realizing that now.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and smiled. Sarah still loved Julian with all her heart, only platonically. Love can do a lot, but it can't change a person, and Sarah now knew she loved Julian as the person he was without her.

"Ok, I know you ordered McDonald's anyways, so if you don't want to eat alone, you better get over here before the fries get cold."

"Already ahead of you. Look out your window."

Sarah swung her legs off the bed and stood up to peek through the blinds. Outside, at the end of her driveway, Julian smiled wider than the yellow grin on the Happy Meal he held in his hand. Without any hesitation, Sarah thought of how lucky she was to love him.