CW: Very brief passing mention of suicide and death.
"Kenny, wake up! It's time for school!" I knew that voice belonged to Karen, my beloved little sister.
I wasn't actually asleep in the first place. I fell to my death on Sunday and respawned here as usual. After that, I went to sleep and I had a weird dream, which I don't remember. It must have been bad, as I couldn't sleep after that dream.
"Five more minutes," I muttered. I wasn't actually sleepy, I just wanted to stay in my bed.
"Okay, Kenny. But you're late for the bus."
"What time is it?"
"7:54." Karen exited my room.
"Shit!" I slipped on my parka and sprinted to the bus stop. Kyle and Cartman were arguing as usual, Stan just standing there next to Kyle.
"That's the dumbest argument ever, fatso!"
"Shut your Joo mouth, Kahl! You wouldn't get it because you're so self-righteous all the time!"
Kyle turns to Stan who was listening inattentively to their argument. "How the fuck is this fat fuck coming up with these arguments?" He whispered. His boyfriend just shrugged in response to the question.
"What exactly are they arguing about?" I asked Stan, who looked so done with this bullshit.
"From what I've gathered, these 5 dudes are about to get run over by some train or something. But if you push some fat dude off a bridge-"
"Wait what?" I was totally lost here. "How did we go from 5 dudes getting run over to Cartman getting pushed off a bridge?"
"I'm big-boned Kinny, not fat! Why would I be the one pushed off the bridge?"
"You're not big-boned, Cartman. You're just fat." I turned to Stan. "Can you restart that explanation? I still don't get it."
"Okay, you're standing on a bridge overlooking a train track, and the fat man is standing on the bridge with you. There are 5 dudes, standing on the train tracks for whatever reason. So, if you push the man since he is fat, he will be able to stop the train due to sheer fatness. But, he will die. But if you don't push him, the 5 dudes who are sitting on the track will die."
"Why are the people standing on the track anyway? Can't we just assume they would be fine with dying?"
"See, Kenny gets it!"
"We can't know that those 5 dudes on the track are suicidal for sure."
"Okay, Kyle, answer me this: Would you have pushed Stan off a bridge to save those 5 strangers?" Cartman was immediately met with a punch to the face, and just like that, he and Kyle were fighting as they always did.
"It's getting kind of boring watching these two fight all the time again and again." Stan nodded in agreement. I wonder if we could ignore Cartman again like we did that one time in 4th grade.
"I swear to God you fat fuck, I'm gonna kick your fat ass so hard that you're gonna need ass surgery!"
"Calm down Kyle," Stan said, reaching for his boyfriend's hand, but accidentally getting smacked away.
Cartman was about to warrant an emergency room visit when the Bus arrived. Thank you, bus driver, for your services. I really did not have enough energy to witness Cartman almost getting killed at 7 a.m.
We sat in our usual seats: Stan with Kyle and me with Butters. I used to sit with Cartman, but I got tired of being squished on my way to school and started sitting with Butters. That was when we started getting closer to each other, and I developed my little crush on him.
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hiatus || Fake Dating Adventure || creek & bunny <3
Fanfiction"Well, what if I told you I can get Tweek to like you?" There's no way. This is too good to be true. "Shut the fuck up." "Its true! All you have to do is pretend to go out with me!" - - - Kenny doesn't know what to do about his feelings for Butters...
