The courting trap

Burning Rage

My feet meet the ground a little harder than usual when I stalk towards his sleeping chamber.

I need to destroy something with my bare hands, I don't care if it hurts.

I whip open the door when I enter the room. It looks exactly the same as the last, and only time, I've been here. Lots of books and a desk filled with papers.

I grab a fistful of the maps and letters and rip them up with a grunt. The sound of them tearing is pleasing to my ears. But it's not enough.

My eyes flick over the the taper candle that's aflame in de dark room. I take it in my hand and grab a few of the non destroyed letters and bring the flames to the edges.

Fire spreads over the letter, making the edges curl inwards. The ink erases because of the heat. The words that were scribbled down so perfectly now gone forever. 'I miss you' I read in one of the remaining sentences.

My interest is peaked. I quickly try to blow out the flames but it's too late, the fire is climbing up higher and making the rest of the words unreadable.

Does he have a lover? Is he not allowed to be with her?

I almost feel empathy for him, but then I remember what he did to me and that shred of sympathy disappears. I clench my fist, feeling the wax crumble in my hands. The flame has gone out and I throw it on the floor.

I rush over to the bookcases and with one motion make all the books tumble off the bookshelf.

I do it to another shelf, and then another. But when that doesn't bring me enough relief I decide, why not just push over the whole bookcase?

I shove and shove but it doesn't budge any further than that. I scream out in frustration and walk over to his bed.

I take his pillow and rip it open. Throwing out all the feathers inside. I grab his blanket and when I lift my arm it gets stuck in my earring, I pull on it hard enough to break free and throw his blanket across the room.

This is when I think I did enough damage. On my way out I accidentally kick against a book that I'd thrown on the ground. That's when I realise it's not enough and I grab it off of the floor and launch it towards the window.

It shatters in a thousand pieces and within a second a draft makes it's way into the room.

People might have heard that, I know I need to get out of here or this will have serious consequences.

I kick off my heels, putting them in my hands and run out of there, slamming the door behind me. That's when I'm eye to eye with Nicholas, who was just about to enter. My cheeks burn up. Anxiety brews in my stomach.

"What were you doing on my room?" I can tell he's getting upset.

"I heard something breaking." I lie and swallow the lump in my throat.

"Why were you in such a hurry? Afraid you'd be seen?" He moves closer to me. Looking at me accusingly.

"I was going to get you."

He huffs a laugh. "Yeah right." He pushes past me, knocking into my shoulder and opens the door.

The colours drain from his face and it feels like forever before takes a step inside.

Slowly, each step slower then the one before, he makes his way over to the desk. I follow after him. He only seems focussed on the desk. Not on the destroyed pillow, the moved bookcase, the pile of books on the floor, not even on the shattered window. "What did you do?" His voice trembles as he pushes around the ashes and burned papers, as though he's looking for some remaining ones.

But I'm sure I've burned them all.

"What? I didn't...it wasn't— " I can't find the words., nothing I say can make up for what I did. Those letters must have meant a lot to him.

"—What did you do!" He yells, turning towards me fully. I've seen him angry before but never have I seem him this furious. His hands are in fists by his side, his eyebrows frowning so hard you can only see half of his eyes and his teeth are clenched together so forcefully I can almost hear them creak.

"I...it wasn't m-me." My hands are shaking in fear and anxiety is bubbling in my chest. I'm scared. I suddenly feel very aware how I'm just a girl standing in front of a furious man. An aggressive furious man. I have no way of defending myself and we're all alone.

"You stupid girl!"

And then he screams. He just screams and storms over to me. My blood runs cold. I take a few steps backwards but he's too fast for me to respond and is already in front of me. I drop my shoes. His hand wraps around my throat and his fingers dig in my skin, he harshly pushes my back against the wall. The breath gets knocked out of me, and then I can't take another one cause he's cutting off my air supply.

I freeze. Staring at his eyes that seem darker than usual.
"P-please." I try to say but it comes out as a strangled whisper. He doesn't respond. Too focused on hurting me as his face twitches in fury.

"Help!" I try to scream out but it comes out as a squeaky noise. I'm starting to feel light headed now. I need to act fast or I'm done for. "Help." I try again, but I know it's of no use. I knock my fist on the wall as hard as I can. His eyess flick towards my wrist and he forcefully grabs ahold of it and squeezes it until I hear something crack, I whimper in pain.

Then, thank god, people rush into the room. "What's going on here!" His father yells

"My heavens!" Mother says putting her hand on her mouth in shock, but I'm still getting chocked. Tears roll down my cheeks.

"Let go of her!" He tries to pry Nicholas' hand off my neck but fails. That's when my eyes roll to the back of my head and I collapse on the floor.