(A/N: This chapter and most likely the next is going to be based on my personal story. It's going to be based mostly on mental health and Y/N (my) story on mental health and mental state.)
Y/N POV:
It had been a couple of weeks since the party. Tara has been trying to make smaller plans in hopes to bring me and Johnnie closer.
I haven't been feeling good. Or okay.
I have this feeling that I do want to hang out with all them and have fun, but then my mind corrupts into negative thoughts that bring me so low, I don't want to leave my bed.
Recently, all I feel is exhausted.
I get tired of doing things I love.
I feel like any food given to me isn't deserved.
I feel disgusting in my own skin.
I don't feel like doing anything.
I have this feeling in my heart, telling me that I want to cry, but tears don't fall. My nose doesn't even sting.
I have been so exhausted that I don't even want to get up to cut myself or take boiling showers.
Every time Tara asks, it's a no.
***
Oct. 17, 2023, 3:34pmTarayummyy: *Hey Y/N*
*Want to come over?*
*Johnnie is heree*
3:34 pm
Y/U: *Sorry, not feeling well*Tarayummyy: *oh, alr!*
Oct. 18, 2023, 2:56pm
Tarayummyy: *Y/N, we are going out to
eat tonight*
*You should come!*
3:02 pm
Y/U: *Maybe next time*___
It was like that for a while.
Up until today.
***
Oct. 24, 2023, 4:32pm
Tarayummyy: *we haven't seen you in a
bit.*
Y/U: *haven't been feeling well*
*sry*
Tarayummyy: *Did we do something?*
*Did I do something??*
Y/U: *Ofc not.*Tarayummyy: *Me and everyone are
coming there.*
___Panic rushed over me, but I didn't have the motivation to get ready.
I showered yesterday. It took a lot in me, but I finally did. The feeling of being dirty made me feel worse than how I felt already.
I didn't want to brush my hair, though. I didn't want to get dressed. All I wore were panties and a long t-shirt.
I didn't want to have to fake my emotions. That's something that drains me more.
I didn't want anyone else to see me.
I looked disgusting.
All my memories of my past came rushing through.
My suicide attempt.
My first heartbreak.
My friends who left.
My best friends suicide.
Everything negative consumed me, and I forgot all about the others coming.
3rd Person POV:
Y/N laid in bed, not caring about the others in the moment. All she could think about were all the negative events and emotions that overtook her.
![](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/354498599-288-k715053.jpg)
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Not So Easy. Johnnie Guilbert × Reader
FanfictionYou are a 24 year old female struggling with mental health issues. Although of these problems, you try to be the best you, you can be. You haven't had a relationship in a while, you just want to find "the one". And who will that be? Will it be easy...