Seabound

Epilogue

After the memorial ceremony, I slipped out of the courtyard, wishing to mourn alone. Wave after wave of sadness washed over me constantly. Nothing quenched the torment of emotion boiling inside me. I hid in my room until nightfall when I snuck up to the roof. I gazed up at the starry sky, only lasting a few minutes before I managed to find more tears, which began streaming down my face uncontrollably.

"I miss you so much already," I whispered into the stillness of the night.

The roof creaked under me and I knew I was no longer alone. Quickly wiping my eyes I turned to face whoever had searched me out. I softened slightly, realizing it was Cole.

"Hey," he whispered as he climbed up next to me and sat down.

"Hey," I returned with a sniff.

We sat in silent reverie, both just finding comfort in the other's company.

"You know, she was one of my best friends, too," Cole murmured as we gazed off into the expanse of the sky. It was an unusually clear night and the stars glittered and winked down at us.

A heavy guilt weighed down on me. I was to blame for this. I could have done something. I could have stopped her.

"I understand how you feel... I'm gonna miss her, too."

I couldn't handle it anymore, a small sob escaped me. "It's my fault. I could have done more. I should have done more."

"What are you talking about?" Cole asked, perplexed.

"I was the last one to see her before she merged with the sea. I could have prevented this somehow," I sobbed.

"Hey, hey, it's not your fault." Cole scooted towards me, cautiously draping an arm around my shoulders. "There's nothing more you could have done. Nothing more any of us could have done." I leaned into him, feeling weak and small against the weight of what had happened in the last few days.

"But I could have," I protested. "I was the last one to see her before she- she merged. I could've done something."

"No, you couldn't," Cole soothed. "She made up her mind, and nothing any of us would have said would have changed it."

I sniffed and rubbed my eyes, attempting to regain my composure. "You're not wrong," I confessed. "If only it were that easy for me to accept that."

A comfortable silence enveloped us as I continued to study the sky. A shooting star flashed somewhere in the distance.

Beside me, Cole exhaled deeply. "Celine, I need to tell you something. I've been meaning to tell you for a while, but the timing just didn't seem right, or someone or something got in the way... With Nya's... sacrifice, I'm just reminded how fragile life is, and- and I need to just get this off my chest and tell you."

He turned and locked eyes with me. Blinking, I met his steady gaze.

"Celine... I... I think I'm in love with you. And I have been for a long time."

My mouth gaped open, unable to comprehend what I was hearing.

"Please, please believe me-" Cole began, but I cut him off.

"How?" I agonized. "How am I supposed to believe you now? How can I be sure you're telling me the truth? These past days have been such a roller coaster of emotion, how am I supposed to tell what's real and what's fake? I thought I had everything figured out, I really did, but then... How can I trust you?"

Cole exhaled deeply, "Can I show you?"

When I made no argument against it, he made his move.

Ever so softly, Cole cupped my face in his hands. His eyes met mine, soft and warm. He leaned in and my own eyes fluttered closed as he made contact.

His lips pressed gently against mine, barely seeming to brush them. I didn't kiss him back. I'll regret it forever, but I didn't. I couldn't. There were no fireworks, nothing like what they tell you a first kiss feels like. Maybe it's because this wasn't my first kiss. But regardless, I felt nothing but emptiness. After a moment he pulled away. He did his best to hide it, but I saw through to the hurt in his eyes, anguished that I didn't return his gesture.

"Are you okay?"

My eyes brimmed with tears again, and I turned away.

"What's wrong? Is it- did I-?" Cole started.

"No, it's just..." My hands clutched my head as my brain whirled inside of it. My mind was spinning. It was all wrong.

Cole reached out and touched my shoulder gently. "What's wrong? You can tell me," he reassured.

I shifted back towards him, "I don't know what's wrong." I sniffed, "I- I can't do this. I- I have to go." I began to stand up, but Cole caught my arm.

"Please, stay with me," he pleaded. "I- I love you, Celine. I really, truly do."

I turned a sad gaze on him, "I know. But I can't let you. I have to leave."