Infidelity

47

Africa.

Today I'm finally getting discharged. Even though Azania and Sphe have been sneaking in food for me, I have outgrown the atmosphere of the hospital.

Nonetheless going home is something I've been dreading. My father hasn't come to see me since our confrontation. I wonder if I can start milking the finances Keletso spoke about and get myself an upgraded apartment.

I sigh heavily and hang my head. I raise it when I hear footsteps entering.

I groan out in frustration when I see who it is.

"I'm not here to fight," Sandile says and raises his arms.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I'm here to apologize." He doesn't come any closer.

"Apology accepted. You can leave now." I tell him and position myself to lie down comfortably.

"Africa, come on we have a whole lot of history and we had something meaningful. You can't just cast it aside like that," he says and I make a vibrating noise with my lips.

"All I remember was me living in your girlfriend's shadow but in all honesty, I can't put all the blame entirely on you. I have to admit that I wasn't ready for any kind of love. I was still yearning for a mother's love. A love that did not require me to put in a lot of effort. We're were destined for failure anyway." I explain to him as I'm admitting to myself.

"I get that and I accept full responsibility for my own faults but can we atleast be friends." He sounds sincere.

"We can't be friends, the father of my children hates your guts." I balance on my elbows and raise my head a bit.

"Can we atleast be civil towards each other?"

"I don't we're getting married." The words just come out but I think it's better to tell him now instead of him finding out later. I haven't really thought about the marriage thing but I do believe it to be the best course of action, especially for the kids.

"Do you love him?" He sounds like he's in pain.

"I'm trying to." I say impassively. "Listen, I'm not telling you this to hurt you or your feelings. I just want you to know and find out everything from me. Not that I owe you anything or something but I want to be transparent."

"Thank you." He clears his throat. "For what it's worth." He adds on and leaves.

I groan again.

**

A while later Sphe and Azania walk in hand in hand whilst giggling. I'm sure it's about Sphe's little girl. I just wish I shared her sentiment when it comes to my own.
Their free hands are carrying baby bags and the bag containing my clothes respectively.

"Tell me you're going to break me out of this hellhole." My patience with this place is becoming thinner by the second.

"Soon enough." The doctor's voice booms from behind the girls. "I just need to finalise a few things and then it's prison break."

He smiles at me and I laugh. He has been the only nice thing in this hospital for my entire stay.

The nurses bring my babies and the doctor finalises my discharge. I let out a sigh of relief but I'm still feeling dreadful.

"What's wrong sis?" Azania asks me after noticing my lack of enthusiasm.

"I don't know. I'm terrified..." I trail off.

"Is it Dad, I can find him another place to stay. I'm sure he'll understand." She assures me.

"That too but... The kids... I'm all alone, I don't think I can do this." I can feel the   heavy weight on my heart.

"Girl please! How can you say that when we're right here by your side." Sphe calls me out but I'm afraid she doesn't understand.

"I think I have postpartum depression." I'm not ashamed of my confession. On the contrary I'm quite comfortable with saying it out loud infront of Sphe. It's not because she's my friend but she's a mother. A mother's who's settled and is quite comfortable with being a mother. She also has someone supporting her. A father figure for her child. That's something my children might never have and it scares me.

"Oh you're poor thing. Don't get me wrong I'm not feeling sorry for you and that is why you're getting back into therapy. I'll drag you there myself if I have to." She claps her hands in my face and I giggle.

"Yes boss!" I give her the salute.

"I'm not joking Africa. You're doing this for your children. They come first now."

I must admit I like what Sphe's child has done to her. She's so mature.

"Motherhood suits you." I compliment her earnestly.

"And we're going to make sure that it suits you too," she says.

"Amen to that!" My sister affirms.

**

In my sister car...

"About the living arrangements, Keletso's got us covered. We don't have to kick dad out. We'll stay at a BnB whilst looking for a house." I inform my sister.

"I'm going to have to check on dad occasionally. He'll fight against it but he still needs us, regardless of what's happening between us." She sighs.

"Thank you sis. Please let him know that I still love him even if I can't stand him right now." A sharp pain tugs at my heart as I think of my dad.

"Anytime sis."

We drop off Sphe and head on to our destination.