𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

I hang up on the cross for You,
I would give it all for You
-Montell Fish

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

April 2016,

It was my senior prom. Aunt Kali forced me to go. She thought I would regret missing something that monumental. But there was a still a hole in my chest from where Tenny had been, and I was scared of seeing him again.

He wasn't a senior, but Pip brought him as her date. I saw them, across the gym floor. Her in a lavender dress and him in a bow-tie. He wasn't smiling. There were no toothy grins or full body laughs that night. Just some dead eyes and a permanent frown.

He was lost, that was clear. But I didn't realize how lost.

So when the crowd started to scatter, girls in plastic tiaras and big poofy dresses running every which direction, I would have never imagined it was because of him. Because he was my Tenny, and my Tenny would never have done something that would hurt me that badly.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

I'm standing in the mirror, inside our dorm room. There's big ruffles on my shoulders in pale powdered blue. Frankie styled our hair up in big curls; she said it's how her mom did hers in the eighties, so it must be authentic.

We look ridiculous. Frankie in a hot-pink cupcake dress. Khalil in a matching pink button-down. She puts little butterfly clips in his braids, and laughs as he frowns. "You know, I think those were more of a nineties trend," he grumbles.

She swats his arm. "No one cares—I think you look adorable."

He rolls his eyes, but he must enjoy the torture because he lets her continue. There's a knock on our door; I run over to greet Tenny. He's wearing a powder blue shirt with ruffles down the front—Frankie found it at the Goodwill. The sleeves are too long, and he wrinkles his nose at them hanging past his hands.

I laugh, and he groans.

"You two look picture perfect!" Frankie boasts, and she goes scrambling to her desk for her phone, but I'm objecting to photos. She frowns, and then her eyes go wide. "Oh, Tens, before I forget," she says, and she reaches for a book. "This is the reading you missed last week."

I frown. "You missed class?"

"He always misses class," Frankie grumbles, before running back over to fuss over Khalil's popped collar.

I lean into Tenny's side, look up, searching his face, but he only shrugs. "It's an intro class; I'm not missing anything." I wonder what Frankie is doing in an intro class, but she's a woman of mystery, so I lay my head back onto Tenny's chest.

I think of Frankie's words, that this is our re-do, and I do my best not to think about our last prom: of Pip's lavender dress and Tenny's bow-tie. Because we've grown since then, and I think I'm tired of living in the past.

"Did I leave my bag in your dorm?" I ask Tenny.

He shrugs. "I think it's on my bed."

Bailey comes in behind us, he's laughing at Khalil's hair and our silly outfits. He's gone with a more classic look; he says it's less ridiculous. I ask Tenny for his room keys, give him a kiss and tell him I'll be right back.

There's only a soft glow from a street light flooding into Tenny's room. It's quiet, and everything is in its place, like it always is. My bag is right where he said it would be, resting on the end of his neatly made bed. I snag it, and on my way out, something catches my eye.

It's the book, the one that I gave him. To the Lighthouse. It's back on his desk, like he's re-reading it for the hundredth time. I smile, run my fingers over the spine. I notice something else, a thin piece of plastic sticking out between the pages. I set down my bag, pick up the book.

I flip through the pages, and there tucked between the middle pages is a little plastic bag. In it, a dozen tiny white pills. My stomach flips.

I hold onto the back of the chair to stay on my feet. It feels like I can't breathe. I stare at the plastic in my shaky hand, the little white pills. I turn it over, examining them from every angle, as if I can convince myself this isn't real. That I don't understand. That this isn't what I think it is.

And then the door creaks open. "Did you find it? Frankie's ready to go—"

"What is this?"

Tenny's staring at me. His eyes flick to the baggy in my hand, then back to me. His mouth is parted, but isn't cute like when he's sleeping. My heart is being ripped to pieces; it's angry and my chest is heaving.

"Tell me this isn't what I think," I say. "Tell me, you wouldn't do this to me, again."

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

April 2016,

It was chaos.

Girls were running to their dates, hands pressed over their mouths. People were whispering in hushed tones, teachers rushing about. They were herding everyone away from the hall, away from the restrooms.

My head was on a swivel, searching—for Tenny. But I couldn't find him. I couldn't find his messy hair or his big brown eyes or his stupid bow-tie. And I had this horrible pit in my stomach, that only tripled in size when I saw Pip: snotty nose and red-rimmed eyes.

"What's happening?" I asked, but no one seemed to hear.

I ran toward the commotion. People were trying to push me away, but I wouldn't listen. There was a teacher, an older man who taught history who had his arms stretched wide, barricading the bathroom. I shook my head.

"What's going on?" I asked, again.

"You need to go back to the gym."

I stood on my toes, glancing over his shoulder. "Is someone in there?" I asked. "Wait—who's in there? What's happening?" And he tried to push me away, but I heard Pip sob, and I already knew who it was.

They couldn't hold me back. I stormed inside. There were shoes under a stall door. They were Tenny's shoes. My heart pounded against my ears; I couldn't see straight. All I could hear was my breathing, broken and ragged.

I threw open the door. He was there. On his back.

His eyes were closed, and his mouth was parted. It was the same way that he slept, but I feared he wasn't sleeping, not this time. I must have crumpled to the floor because my ear was pressed to his chest. I could hear the soft thump of his heart and I broke into sobs.

Because he was still there, but he wasn't okay.

My throat was raw, my voice was hoarse. I was calling his name; I was calling for help. I pulled him into my chest and his head fell back, his limbs were limp. I sobbed and I screamed, and I blamed only myself.

Because he was my Tenny, but he was ruined—because of me.

...

Author's Note:

So that's the big missing piece
from their past history...

What are our thoughts?

Thanks for reading!
Xx