𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐓 𝐄𝐍𝐃? ,𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐒

13

—- REAL LIFE

My grip tightened on the door handle of Maggie's. The fear took over me as I let out a sigh and walked in the familiar café. I didn't sleep much last night, even though I knew what was coming today, an apology with my decision on the line. I knew today I would be stuck with the not-knowing of what the right choice is, I'd be stuck to make a decision I had no experience with. My heart and mind would be saying completely opposite things. My mind was a cloud at this point, fog taking over every nerve.

Blake's face wasn't the first thing I saw when I walked in, meaning she wasn't working today. That may be a good thing, considering it may send off the wrong signal I'm here alone with Paige. I spotted her immediately, her back to the door in the very far right corner. She was wearing her hair down, it was crimped and pretty. She had on a white UConn basketball shirt and black Overtime basketball shorts. Her familiar scent hit me before I could even get close to her, nostalgia filling my nostrils, followed by the sickness of despair and the painful reminder of how joyous that smell used to make me.

I hesitate before sitting down, contemplating turning around and completely ignoring this situation overall. But then I remember I have been doing that for 3 years now, and it's time to get some closure. Whether the closure is painful or justifying, I will find out the second I sit down. I tap Paige on the shoulder softly, just solely so I don't startle her when sitting down so suddenly. Her eyes travel with me from the second I tapped her to the second I sit down. Her eyes wonder on my face, as if she is lost and my face is the map. Her eyebrows draw in and her light blue eyes go dark as she studies my face, like the shadow of empathy has passed over her. I feel uncomfortable under her stare, considering I have not felt it in so long.

"So." I say, tapping my fingers on the table.

Paige chews on her lips, hesitating what to say. I wish she would just get it over with, as nothing she could say could hurt me worse.

"How are you?" She says slowly, the last word coming out in a hard attempt, her voice cracking extremely. I could see the tears forming, but I chose not to say anything but instead look down at my navy blue fingernails.

"I'm okay. Or I will be."

"Shit," Paige puts her head in her hands, "Leighton, there is absolutely nothing that will excuse what I did. And trust me, if you think I forgot about you, you would be completely wrong. I spent everyday hating myself for what I did, all- all because something else got in the way. I spent everyday missing you as my best friend. I thought I was never going to see you again, and it would be my fault. But then you show up here and I- It has to mean something Leighton."

"I know you hate me," she continues, "And I do not blame you. I hate me too. But I can't stop thinking about the empty space in my life, the one I caused. Honestly, I don't even want you to forgive me. I just want my best friend back. Everything we had, I need it. I-I miss you."

The silence from me was Paige's answer. I knew she really meant what she said, but I wasn't quite ready to accept what she had told me.

"Why," I whispered, "Why did you do it?"

"Because honestly, I was a stuck-up piece of shit. I had been receiving offers and doing great things, and getting accepted to UConn just topped it all off, I was full of myself. I believed that basketball really was more important than you. I was too blind to realize that something that's not gonna be in my life forever will never be as important as the one thing I want in my life forever. I was so caught up in it, I didn't realize what I was doing to you, until it was too late. I am so sorry it took me hurting you to realize what a shitty person I am." Paige finished, I didn't quite know what it was, but something in her eye said she had more to say, like she was holding something back.

There was a moment of silence in between what she said and how I responded. I took this moment to conspire my words and took a deep breath. The smell of chocolate and Paige mixed together was making it hard to focus.

"I am not bitter with you, or mad for what you did. I have had a lot of time to get over it. I'm not sure if I ever have, but that's why I am here right now. I needed this, an answer. I have been waiting for one for too long."

"I know. And you deserve one."

"I know. I-I'm not mad at you, but I don't know if I can be around you and not feel this pain. Obviously I need some time to think about this, but don't think that me and you are going to go back to what we were, just because you said you were sorry. I know you mean it, but it does not change what you did. It does not change the hurt you bring me now, or what I have gone through."

The hurtful look on Paige's face sends nothing but guilt towards me. I know she is hurt by my words, I know she misses me.

"But," I continue, "I am willing to start over, because I am just as tired of waiting for you as you are waiting for me."

Paige's face lit up, that familiar gleam coming back into her eyes just like so long ago. She gives me a sideways grin, one I have missed so dearly. She really is beautiful. She suddenly stands up, holding her arms out as an invitation of embrace.

"Hi, my name is Paige, and I miss my best friend."

My mouth twists into a closed-mouth smile.

"I'm Leighton," I say, standing on my tip toes to put my arms around her neck. My body instantly melts in hers, my toes coming back down to the ground, my face resting in the soft touch of her neck, "And I miss you too." I say.

Me and Paige go opposite ways on the way home, occasionally looking back at each other and waving. Today was good, one step at a time. Although the voice in my mind is telling me to stop, that I shouldn't go there again. I know what will happen, but this time I can't prevent myself from ever feeling it.

As I walk into my dorm quietly, careful not to wake Avery up incase she is napping, I hear her softly whispering to someone on the phone. She is giggling and talking so fast I cannot keep up, however I caught one word, Nikki? I'm not sure, but I clear my throat to let her know I am here, as her back is turned to me from her desk she is sitting at. She quickly hangs up the phone and turns around, giving me a concerning smile as if she is covering something up.

"Hi Leighton! Where you been?" She changes the subject.

"Nowhere, just meeting someone. Who were you talking to?"

"Just someone." She states as she glances around the room.

Weird, Avery... keeping a secret from me? She tells me literally everything. Even things I should not be hearing, she tells me. That girl has no sense of control when it comes to telling me her business. And now she is suspiciously talking to someone on the phone. I will fish this out her somehow, or try to.

I scroll on my phone, doing my best to ignore the nosiness coming out of me. However, all the ideas of Avery leave my head when I do something I have felt the urge to do for so long.

leightonprince has unblocked paigebueckers
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i apologize it took me forever to post this, i once again did not know where to go with it 😉