Will I Kill For Her?

5/07/06

"NO!

Annie, Sweetheart look at me.

Please open your eyes.

LOOK AT ME!

SOMEBODY CALL THE DOCTOR!

HELP HER! WHY IS NO ONE HELPING HER!

SHE'S DYING!

Please, someone help her.", I cried holding my fiancé's cold body close to me. I could feel her get heavier; I could feel her pulling away from me. I let out a scream and suddenly a warmth engulfed me and I woke up, trying to catch my breath. I could feel someone hugging me and whispering something in my ears. It felt oddly comforting. Everything was blurry.

"It was just a dream", I repeated after them. Slowly my vision cleared and I was able to breathe again.

"S-she's gone, Maybell. She's gone and I am not", I sobbed, hugging my sister tightly.

"Sshh, it was just a nightmare. I am here Danny, I am here. Let it all out".

6/07/06

It's been exactly one month since Annalise passed away in my arms. Ever since her passing, everyone's been on their tiptoes whenever they are near. The entire room will fall into a dreadful silence when I enter it, watching me carefully, calculating my next move, waiting for me to leave. They pity me, even when I just go to my kitchen to get juice, I could almost hear their head shaking with a sigh. I don't want nor need their empty sorry, they couldn't possibly know what I feel. I almost want to yell at them to shut up. All the pity in the world won't bring her back. They are saying I'll be okay.... eventually, they keep saying that I'll get over her, that I am grieving right now and in pain but after sometime the pain will go away and I'll be alright. I don't think that's how it works. Getting over her could never be as easy as falling in love with her. And I would rather miss her every second of the day and live than be okay.

"We had so many plans Annie. We were supposed to live for another 50 years together, you promised. How could this happen? I hate you so much for leaving me alone like this, with not so much as a goodbye", I spoke to my empty dusty bedroom, holding her picture and lying down.

"Do you know how suffocating it is Annie? I can feel how my life is slipping away. I just wanted you by my side, nothing else. Don't you think I deserve that? I can't sleep, I can't eat and now sometimes I just forget that you not here anymore. I swore I could hear you call my name from the other room and like an idiot I ran out with false hope only to find some faces filled with concern; these faces I no longer recognise. They think I am delirious, maybe I am but I still dial your phone sometimes thinking you will answer just like in that book you were crying over. I just, I just can't anymore Annie. I just can't," I cried hugging her picture close to my heart and grabbed some sleeping pills my sister gave me last night and flushed it down my throat.

"Visit me Annie", I whispered and closed my eyes. And then I saw her. She actually came! Annie. It seems like she hasn't noticed me yet, being so immersed in reading. The look of concentration in her face, with her hair in a messy bun and the –

I opened my eyes with a sudden gasp, unable to figure out what is happening. I could hear a lot of voices but it seems like they haven't noticed me yet. White ceiling, white walls, uncomfortable sheets and that ever so pungent smell of chlorine; how did I end up in a hospital? A machine started beeping and they finally noticed I am awake.

Suddenly my sister's troubled face came into my sight, she was saying something, I don't understand. Some guy checked my eyes and my pulse as I slowly felt less groggy.