The Fallen

Chapter 11

“I can't.”

My heart hammered in my chest, anticipation coiling around every muscle in my body as the silence stretched between us. I wanted to leave, more than anything in the world, I wanted to go back home. But I couldn't leave Lucifer behind, not after everything he had been through to save my life. I couldn't betray him like that.

“Sure you can,” Azazel said, his smile stretching across his tan face.

“I promised Lucifer I'd wait for him.” I shook my head, turning back to the portraits on the walls around us. My face stared back at me, black eyes bright with an expression I never had in this lifetime.

“He doesn't have to know.” Azazel took a tentative step towards me, his eyes scanning the room before landing back on me. “ We would pop back up, get you one of those absurdly large coffees you humans are obsessed with,” he laughed at that, and I couldn't help but join him. “It'll be a little break from Hell, and we will be back before anyone notices we're gone.”

The idea sounded tempting, far too good to be true. I wanted a sense of normalcy back, a hint of the life I used to live before I found out about angels and demons, but a little part of me didn't want to risk it. I took a deep breath, weighing the options in my head for a few seconds. I wasn't going alone, like Abbadon, I was sure Azazel would protect me. After all, Lucifer trusted him enough to leave me in his care as he and Abbadon went to finish whatever business they had on earth. Would it really be so bad if I went back home for a few hours? Who knew, maybe the trip would jog whatever memories everyone was talking about, and I would finally have answers to all of my questions.

“I could practically see you thinking, Sienna.” Azazel chuckled, the sound a deep baritone that vibrated across the empty room.

“How do we go up?”

He smiled, his eyes sparkling with a hint of something I chose not to dwell on. I didn't want to be paranoid and ruin what was most likely the only chance I had of getting out of Hell for a while.

“Simple, I open a portal, and we're out of here.”

I nodded, remembering the black smoky door Abbadon summoned all those days ago to get us down here. “Make sure you stay close to me, Sienna.” Azazel raised his hands in the air, shadows twisting and turning around us until a hint of the portal started materializing from thin air. “You're still Heaven's most wanted.”

“Lucky me.”

*

The air above was fresh, invigorating. Despite the lower levels of Hell being frozen, the air was still stuffy, borderline suffocating. But as Azazel and I walked down the brightly lit roads, the breeze blowing through my hair drove away the tension that lived in my bones for almost a week.
We were walking down familiar roads, the shops, restaurants, and office buildings, all ones I used to see everyday on my way to work. True to his word, Azazel ducked into a popular coffee shop in the area, ordering the largest iced coffee I had ever seen before. He paid in cash, and I wondered for a minute if all angels were this well versed in human affairs. On a wooden bench outside, he sat down, patting the spot next to him with a smile. I sipped on my drink, watching as people hurried down the streets, some alone, others with company. Conversations flew in and out around us, and I couldn't help but relish in the familiarity of this moment. I hadn't been gone long, but my days in Hell made me miss the normalcy of everyday life that I once found suffocating.

“It's so bizarre,” Azazel said as he watched the people around us.

“What is?”

“Their sense of urgency.” He leaned back on the bench, crossing one long leg over the other.
“Everything seems important to them. They spend their short years running from one destination to the next, rarely stopping to actually live.”

“Well,” I said, laughing at his puzzled look. “Maybe they have jobs or deadlines or families to take care of. Isn't that a part of life?”

“Not when you make it your entire life.” He looked at me then, his gaze unfathomable once again. “Schools and jobs and families are one part of your life, they are not the reason for your existence.”

“So, what is?”

“To exist. To experience life. To make the most of the finite time you're given. You're lucky, you know? Humans?”

“We are?” The way he said it, the way he stared at me as if he was expecting me to come to a conclusion, made my head swim. Lucifer had said that he was looking for me for a millennia, but I wasn't reborn, nor was I reincarnated. That only left one option.

“You do not get to experience immortality.” Azazel's words pulled me out of my thoughts, the defeat in his tone made my chest constrict. “When you have lived for centuries, everything loses its meaning.”

I put my empty cup down, wiping my hands on my jeans. “Was it different? In heaven, I mean?”

He stared at the street lights for a moment, and as time went by, I thought he wasn't going to answer me.

“Bright.” He smiled. “Heaven was very bright.”

“Do you miss it?”

He tore his eyes away from the light, focusing back on me. Goosebumps rose across my skin at the look he gave me, a mix of longing and fury dancing behind his dark eyes. His jaw clenched, his nostrils flared, and I couldn't help the nagging feeling that somehow, all of his anger was directed at me.
In a split second, all of the fury disappeared, his usual smile reappearing so fast I thought I had imagined everything. He stood up, reaching a hand towards me. “We should get going.”

I took his hand in mine, the persistent feeling that something was terribly wrong making my stomach sink. “Are we going back already?”

“If you want to.” Azazel nodded. “Or, we can stop by your house first.”

My eyes widened, the thought of going home chasing away the trepidation in my heart. “Can we? I have so many things I left behind.”

“I thought so.” He chuckled, turning to the right and ushering for me to follow.

It wasn't until we were only a few steps away from my building, that I remembered.

I never told him where I lived.