0800 Hours [slash]

0800 Hours: Recording #020

"0800 hours, two days since we nearly made a post-apocalyptic sex tape."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah, you did say that quite a lot, didn't you? Ow! That hurt! And not in the fun way."

An indignant sniff is the only response. The walls of the tent crinkle in the wind.

"Surely that thing is nearly out of battery by now?"

"Huh? I don't know, maybe? It was made in the nineties, in the time of the mighty Nokia and all that, so I'm not surprised at all that it's survived the apocalypse. Plus I charged it daily until the power went out, since I know you how much you just love these recordings."

The voice tails off into a snicker, laughter muffling a layer of low grumbles.

"...You ever going to let me hear these recordings or what?"

"Absolutely not."

"Why? I must be in like, ninety percent of them anyway."

"Because you'll be a dick about it?"

The squawk of protest crumples into laughter.

"I wouldn't!"

A distrusting pause.

"...Ok, maybe I would, but only a little bit. Maybe for the first like, four or so? Maybe eight?"

"This is exactly why I don't want you to listen to them."

More laughter permeates the tent, lilting and bright, so out of place in this empty world.

"Y'know, anyone listening to this might mistakenly believe that you don't love the sound of your own voi–"

The sentiment is cut off abruptly, replaced by suckling and laboured breaths and a quiet whine as they all cease.

"...This is definitely a much better way of shutting you up, Cye."

"...Shut up and kiss me again."

"If you insist, I guess..."

"I don't actually like you. At all."

The wet noises start again.

"...I'll let you hear them when we're in Beith. If you want."

"What?"

"Man, Cye, I know I'm a great kisser and all, but I didn't mean to give you pleasure-induced amnesia or anything."

"Shut up, you absolute – wait, hang on. You mean your recordings?"

"What else would I mean, you idiot?"

The ensuing interval between voices is careful, measured, weighted.

"...You plan to stick around me in Beith?"

"What? Jesus fucking Christ, not this again."

"But there'll be girls –"

"Don't care."

"You'll get tired of me –"

"No I won't."

"But–"

"Cye. Shut the fuck up. Like a mould, you have grown on me, and believe it or not I have grown to enjoy your miserable company. Plus, you give blow jobs like a champ. So like it or not,  you're stuck with me."

"Oh my God, please stop."

"Why, you embarrassed?"

There's a teasing edge to their tone; a thump as someone falls to the ground.

"...That's what you get."

"Can you please cut back on the domestic violence? Jeez. How far are we from Beith anyway? I don't think I've ever ventured this far south in my life, and it's freaking me out. I haven't seen a Gaelic sign for like four days. I feel like a fish out of water."

A brief snort.

"Only about a day now. We're making better time than I expected."

"What's Beith like?"

There's a thoughtful moment of silence; even the wind has whittled away to a whisper.

"It's, em, like every other town, I guess. It's small, a lot smaller than Stirling, or Inverness."

"Smaller than Ardgay?"

"No, it's larger than your one street metropolis."

"Hey, Ardgay's big to me. Is it nice?"

"...I don't really know any more. I haven't been since before,well, y'know, the general extinction of the human race."

"Oh. Yeah. Makes sense."

"...There's a nice church. I mean, I'm not religious or anything, but yeah. It was nice. Don't think it's still there – most of the old town was demolished when the government reformed the town as a Sanctuary. It's mostly wire fence and that, now."

"What if you can't get in?"

"They'll still take you."

"...Yeah, suppose they will."

"We should get a move on. If we head now, we could probably make Beith by tomorrow morning."

"God, that'll be weird. Seeing other people, I mean. Not that you're not great company or anything, because you are, holy shit, you're fucking excellent company. Fyi, listeners of the future, Cye is excellent in bed."

"Cam! You can't put that in!"

"Ha ha!"  

The tent rustles as it's packed away, soft grass quelched loudly underfoot.

"Cam? Promise me something."

"Ooh, what is it? I'll be honest, I don't know if I can handle too much commitment, I've only been seeing you for a few days. Is it sex related?"

The voice dissolve into giggles.

"I'm being serious."

"What d'you need?"

"I need you to promise me that if we get to this Sanctuary and I can't get in, you won't do anything stupid."

The wind is icy and thundering.

"Hah, you know me – I never do anything stupid!"

"Cam."

"Cye. Tha thu bóidheac. Tha gaol agam ort. And I'll do the right thing."

Click.