wherefore art thou » dead poets society

f major

evaline's favourite play was macbeth. her second favourite had to be oedipus. not because they were pleasant stories by any means, but because of fate. the roles that fate played in these two plays were an indestructible force and a reminder to mankind of how little power they truly possessed. they were both insane stories, really, with plots that made her question the creative minds behind them. but fate - that's what she was drawn to.

and fate was what bound neil to a different aspect of plays. acting.

she had discovered the copy of "a midsummer night's dream" on neil's desk one early morning. it was a dusty old copy, dug out from the dust and grime of the library's forgotten corners. it was all dog-eared and musty-smelling but what was more curious was the sheet of paper folded into the cover.

an audition flyer.

her mind began whirring, the mechanisms joining together all the dots until she found herself doing a theatrical, skittish, power-walking type of shuffle towards english class. she glanced at the clock sitting above the entrance to the classroom and was pleased to see she had a few minutes to spare. good. she only needed a few minutes to confront neil.

she placed her books on her desk and made a beeline for the boy with a fat book on elizabethan playwright propped in front of his devilishly handsome face. and that face only brightened at the sight of evaline.

"eva! didn't expect to see you so early to class!"

she inhaled sharply and the lovely curvature of his smile fell. the inhale. the dreaded inhale. it was a telltale sign that whatever was about to come out of her mouth would not be pleasant, as neil had discovered by now. her shoulders were tense and she had a stance similar to the hunting crouch of a lion. he gulped.

"when were you going to tell me that you were auditioning for a certain play?" the words were hissed out from between clenched teeth and neil soon began plummeting into confusion.

"oh - um... i didn't know you would be so upset about it. i was only taking a look at the flyer it wasn't anything - "

and the bell rang. evaline would only shoot him a sharp glare as she retreated to her seat.

the chair beside hers was empty, as it had been for several days now. 

she swallowed her pride and settled herself into the seat, brows furrowed and all, scowling at something at the front of the classroom. she was certainly fuming, a rich concoction of anger and betrayal simmering in those dark irises but alas, with her back turned, neil could but only take blind shots in the dark at guessing her reaction. 

not an ounce of information was retained from that class. somewhere between hastily scrawled chicken-scratch and internally drafting the verbal manifestation of her frustration she was to unleash upon neil perry, she scraped by the lesson. but, much to evaline's soon-to-be disappointment, her skittish glances and sedated movements did not escape mr. keating's hawk vision. 

"and miss evaline, do enlighten us, what are your thoughts the way shakespeare portrays romeo and juliet in this scene?"

her eyes shoot upwards, jaw clenching for a moment as she scrambled to string her thoughts together into coherent words. 

"romeo is revealed to be naive, childish and immature. in this scene, the position and location of the two characters enhance this. juliet is elevated by the balcony, having shown full capability of rational thought and decision making, whereas romeo is below her, unable to do so. he speaks of light, of celestial bodies, and depicts juliet as something unearthly - a hopeless romantic really. she is not the stars or the sun. the contrast between character in this scene creates irony. irony in the fact that their love is superficial, that romeo is but a lost boy who has fallen in love with the notion of love."

and with another heated huff, she seats herself down as the classroom blossoms into a swirling cloud of loud laughs and cacophonic claps. mr. keating but exhales quietly, a sure sign of fatherly discontent and a teacher's disappointment all veiled by a thoughtful stare in evaline's direction. neil but gapes, a sure sign of bewilderment and a newfound fear for evaline's temper all apparent through his unhinged jaw.

"well, boys, don't forget to bring an idea for your paper we'll be beginning next class. evaline, a word please."

neil collects his belongings at a lethargic rate, eyes flittering to catch the shape of evaline's hunched figure. oh but his enigmatic love made no move to return his searching gaze, too concerned with analyzing the callouses on pads of her fingers. dampened, so to say, he retreats to the safety of the sheep herd of students slowly leaking out into the hallways. however, he takes great care to conceal his figure by the door of the classroom. not petty eavesdropping - never -but rather an honourable, noble act out of the concern for his dear evaline's wellbeing. 

"i've received news that you were absent for chemistry the other day."

"yes..."

neil catches a sigh. not an ordinary sigh, by any means, because there was something that sounded like cracking glass and heartbreak hiding between the vowels and consonants. 

"evaline. i understand you and neil are... close. and i am in no position to discourage you from enjoying the golden days of your youth but you are aware of our predicament, my child. act with your head, little one, not with your heart. you may do so in stolen moments but not like this."

her responses were but quiet affirmative noises, an inexplicable weight and coolness to the way she replied. the conversation became murmurs and eventually decrescendoed into nothingness. evaline said nothing when she feels neil's big doe-eyes, brimming with worry and unspoken words, look her up and down. they walk in silence to maths, doing everything to avoid voicing aloud their wandering thoughts.

a little after the end of the day, evaline finds herself at neil's bedroom door. again. the door swings open and she feels something vile clambering up her every vertebra until she feels her skin aflame. 

"why are you auditioning for the play?'

she spits the words out like an accusation. the way an angry parent would chastise their child, "why didn't you clean up your room?". and neil is everything but prepared for this. of course, he recalls her earlier displeasure but surely her own disheartened encounter with mr. keating had dulled that fire but instead, it seems to have the same effect gasoline has over a roaring flame.

"um, because i thought it would be fun? i like acting - "

"what would your father say? do you really think he'd be okay with this? did you even consider what he'd do if he found out about this?"

and he snaps.

"and why does it matter what my father says?"

"because you'll never get a letter of - "

"why can't you just fucking believe in me?"

and the room goes silent.

he's crying.

she's watching him cry.

because fate was never kind to the soft of heart nor the weak of mind.