HOPE

Chapter 08

I scream.

My entire body goes stiff and I lean in to the couch to put as much distance as I can with the eyes. I blink rapidly to get rid of the sleepiness from my eyes and see clearly. With each blink the eyes seems to vanish, leaving the moonlight shinning on the window. I look closer but that's all it is. No eyes. 

I sigh out a breath of relief. My hands are shaking, maybe from the nightmare or maybe because of the eyes I saw. I take my knees up and sit down in a ball hugging myself tightly.

I just saw a nightmare.

I have seen nightmares after Hannah died but after a while they went away automatically. I really hope this would go away soon. I really don't want to relive the worst night of my life over and over again, even if it's in my dreams.

After calming myself down, I reach for my phone. It's already 9 p.m. I slept most of today. I haven't eaten anything the whole day other than the coffee I had in the morning, so I grab the cereal box and heat up the milk. I have no idea how many bowls I ate but I finish what was left of the cereal. I have to buy a new one tomorrow.

I make myself a coffee and walk a little around the apartment to get my limbs active. It still hurts from last night but sleeping the entire day today has left them a little lazy. It eases the pain as well.

I think about the situation my bedroom might be in. I didn't go in there since today morning, when I came out of it. It still has the bloodied sheets and my clothes are still on the floor. It's not a sight I can make myself face just yet.

So instead, I switch on the TV and watch the only channel I've got. There's some random movie going there and I don't know what it's about.I don't care what it's about cause I can't concentrate on that right now. My mind is all over the place. 

There's a possibility that I could get pregnant. I don't really know much about these kinds of things, but being pregnant with having sex just one time doesn't really have a good chance. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be. I mean, some get pregnant doing it only just once. So compared to them, I have a bigger chance. 

The thought dreads me. That is his intention. He wanted to do this to me. 

What if I'm not pregnant this time and because of that, he rapes me again? What would I do then?

I can't be pregnant. I won't be able to take care of a baby, all by myself. I won't be able to work. I will lose my job. I will have a lot of problems to face. 

He knew this. He knew that I can't do this on my own. If I do get pregnant, he thinks that I will go with him. He may take care of me long enough to call of his marriage to Ronica. After he gets what he wants, I'm sure me and the baby will just be a burden in his life and he will just push us away.

Veron doesn't love me. He never did. Or he would never rape me.

I really don't think that if someone loves a person, they would do everything to protect them. They wouldn't hurt them. Never. 

I miss my boring. Life from one week ago.

I think about everything's that happened in my life so far. I lost my sister, my parents, my home. I lost my school life, my teenage years working in a restaurant. I lost my virginity to a guy that I hate and I lost my life along with it. The life I tried so hard to have all by myself.

I didn't fall asleep again that night. But thinking about everything took a lot of time that before I even know it, it's already morning. I called Mr. Travor first and asked if I could come at 12. He agreed, rather hesitantly. I kept the phone before he could ask me anything else. There's a message from Beth asking if I'm alright and I just replied saying that I'm fine now.