The Structural Silence *COMPLETE* (Book 1 of The Transition of Pinn)

The Interview (Chapter 7)

I stood in the entrance to the psychologist's room. Shaking when I wanted to brave was making me angry: angry at myself, angry at that stupid guard, and angry at not knowing what was going to happen. The room was rather unremarkable. A classroom with white walls and grey floors like so many of the others on the Pinn ship, but instead of rows of desks a large circle of around 20 grey plastic chairs was in the center of the room. I had been in the plain room many times thanks to our group therapy and even though the group therapy brought me closer to the other women in my group, the therapy session were not something I looked forward too.

As I stood there glancing around the room with apprehension, the psychologist stood smiling from one of the chairs. He was a slimy looking man, he had a narrow face with a bulbous nose and his greasy comb-over did little to hide his baldness. He beamed at me and I tried to hide my involuntary shutter. Evidently I wanted to be polite even when frightened out of my wits. If he noticed my apprehension, he ignored it.

"Please" the man said in a deep calming voice as he gestured with one hand a chair near him. In his other hand he held a clipboard with so many pages on it that it looked like they were ready to slip out of the clip on to the floor.

Taking a deep breath I walked around and sat down in my assigned chair. I wiped my sweaty hands on me pant legs and looked up at his still beaming face. He was a Pinn just like the man who had touched me, and I had no doubt that whatever I said would be reported to God knows who. I really don't think I could have trusted him less.

"So Miss Ivy, I have been filled in with the basics, but I would like to hear it from you. Could you please explain what happened?" There was his melodic voice again. At least he had his voice- nothing else about him made you want to tell him anything.

A gave him a curt nod and proceeded to tell him my side of the story. It occurred to me as I talked that he might be judging whether I was to blame for the incident so I was arguing my innocence. He scribbled throughout my story while occasionally nodding. I begin to sweat. There was no indication as to whether or not he believed me. Crap crap crap crap crap.

"And how did it make you feel?" he scratches the tip of his nose with a thin black pen.

Um.... What did he think? Wonderful? I could lie and say it didn't bother me, but is that really realistic?

"Helpless" I mumble. It was the truth.

He nods and scribbles some more. The scratches from the pen meeting the paper is the only noise in the room.

"How have you been coping?"

Ugh, again, what was the right thing to say so that he just lets me go back to my group?

"Okay" I bite my cheek "I had a good cry but I have felt fine since then." Not that there has been much time for anything else.

He nods.

"Have you experienced any feelings of panic?"

Suddenly a knock fills the room and a brief feeling of panic does indeed wash over me. I press my arm into my waistband; the feel of the cold metal pricking my skin lets me know that my fork from breakfast was still secure.

"Excuse me." He stands up and walks to the door. Swinging it open, I can see a guard standing there. He points to me and then says something in a language I don't understand to the psychiatrist. Oh shit.

The psychiatrist responds before closing the door.

I look down at my hands and rub them on my pants as he walks back to his chair.

"Well Miss Ivy, I think we are done for today"

What?

"I would like to speak with you again before we reach Pinn, so that would be...." His voice trails off as he glances at the paper before him "...two days. Right after lunch in two days"