White As A Lie

5: Broken

It had been three days since my wife's death, and I can honestly say they were the worst days of my life.

The snow outside was making me worried we'd have to reschedule the funeral day. I could barely even get out of my driveway and into the road. The snow was deep, and it just covered everything.

That Saturday morning, I made breakfast, eggs, bacon, and toast, then I sat in my recliner to eat it.

I bit into my bacon and spit it out. Another disgusting piece. "Nicole, I wish you were here." She could make any food taste like a master chef's masterpiece.

After breakfast, I got dressed for the day. It was currently 9:45, quite late for me.

I paired a blue button up shirt with khaki pants and found the tie Nicole gave me for our first wedding anniversary.

I was ready to go out and check on the roads, but when I opened the door, a familiar face greeted me.

"Can I just leave or come home without you always being here?" I said to Crystal.

She smiled softly. "I apologize. I'm not here to question you."

"Then what are you doing here?"

Her face fell slightly. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. News I would assume you don't already know."

"What?"

"This could either help or hurt you immensely when it comes to you being accused. But it will hurt you right now, regardless of whether or not you're arrested. "

"What?" I asked again.

She didn't answer right away. "During your wife's autopsy...it was discovered that she was about four weeks pregnant."

I felt my knees grow weak, and I stumbled back to the porch steps and sat down. My head was spinning, I couldn't breathe.

"I'm very sorry, Mr. McCain." Crystal said, but I could hardly hear her. "I hate having to be the one to tell you."

"No." I couldn't think of anything to say. "No, no, no. No. No, no, no!" I muttered under my breath. The tears were starting to pour down my cheeks.

Crystal waited for my sanity to return. "Let's take a walk, not as accused and accuser. But just as two people, walking and talking." She helped me to my feet. "I want you to get to know me, Mr. McCain, and I want to get to know you. Especially before I make an official accusation."

"Our first meeting wasn't an official accusation?" I asked.

"No. It was just an accusation. But I'd like to know who you are." She said.

I looked down at the recently shoveled sidewalk, then to her. "I'm a high school counselor. I'd been married for almost five years to one wonderful woman I met when I just became a teenager. We wanted nothing more than to have a baby."

"Did you have a preferred gender?"

"We would've been happy with either, but we always pictured ourselves with a baby girl. We liked the name Rachel."

"Rachel McCain. It has a ring to it."

I nodded. "For three years, we've tried to make a baby. The doctor said everything was fine, we just weren't having the luck we needed." I scoffed. "I'd say we're the unluckiest people in the world."

Crystal tugged at the strings of her magenta jacket. "Why didn't you adopt if you wanted a child so bad?"

"Nicole had thought about that. She would've been happy with an adopted child, of course. I just think she really wanted our child to be ours."

She nodded. "I get that. I also wanted a child."

"Wanted?" I noted. "Past tense."

Crystal doesn't meet my gaze. "You know how it goes with girls. We dream of the perfect wedding with the perfect guy. Then having perfect children with him. From a young age, I wanted that. I thought I was going to get it when I was 18. I had a boyfriend, his name was Benjamin. He seemed to want all those things too. But one day, I found him cheating on me. When I tried to tell him off..." She stopped.

"He didn't go down easily." I said. She nodded.

"That's why it's important to me that I help other women who went through what I did...or worse."

"I understand. But I'm not Benjamin. I loved my wife. With all my heart. For eleven years, I've loved her."

Crystal's face softened. I'd never seen this look on her face before. I think it was...sympathy. "I'll back off a bit... I just...I want to believe you...but I've heard it all before."

I sighed. "So, is your current boyfriend Mr. Right?" I asked.

She chuckled. That was the first time I had heard any sort of laugh from her. "Compared to Ben? He's a God."

"What's his name?"

"Alton. Alton O'Quinn."

"Alton? That's a name you don't hear very often."

She smiled. "Yeah. He hates it." Crystal looked up at the gloomy sky. "We've been together two years. Three in April. He also works in the Fairview Police Department, but he's not a detective, like me."

"Detective. Is that your official title?"

"Yes. But not how you'd think. I'm not Sherlock Holmes. That's what he calls me." She shook her head. "Anyway, he wants to have kids some day. He'd rather wait a little, though. At least when we're twenty-five."

"That's not too long."

She shrugged. "Yeah. You're right, it's only two years. Technically one. I turn twenty-four in August."

"I would've pinned you as a Leo, but you just missed it. Virgo, right? Hard-working, perfectionist, responsible... How's your memory?"

"I'm like an elephant."

I laughed. "Are you artistic?"

"Yeah, actually. I wanted to be a painter when I was younger."

"There you go. You're a walking embodiment of the Virgo zodiac."

"How about you? When's your birthday?"

"October nineteenth. Libra."

"Ah, the over thinkers."

"We're also perfectionist. We like things orderly and harmonious."

"They're also said to be very trustworthy..." Crystal said.

I glanced her way. "Right."

She sighed. "Well, it's about time for me to head home." She starts back down the way we came. "I'm actually just a few houses down from you." She turned back. "It was nice getting to know you, Nolan."

I nodded. "You too, Crystal." I waved goodbye, then walked back to my house as she crossed the street to hers.