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TITLE : THE FALLEN QUEEN AUTHOR : blooddess_ REVIEWED BY : DENIRA
TITLE/COVER :
The title is highly appropriate and really fits the story genre, also giving insight on the plot itself. Good work on that! Coming to the cover, it is really appropriate to the fantasy theme. I like how well it is done and there are really no complaints. I think you did a fantastic job! 10/10
BLURB:
Firstly, blurbs are better short and concise. You have done well in the case of explaining the character in the blurb however its very long and is packed in this huge paragraph which is very distracting and seems quite too much for the readers, as it's just the blurb. I also think you've given away a bit too much information in the blurb. I personally got surprised looking at the length of the blurb and then further got bored reading so much information in it. In this current blurb readers will lose interest without even reading the book. I would suggest that you tweak it, shorten it and maybe make it a bit more interesting e.g. get interactive with the readers by asking a suspense filled question which will make them want to read the book. 6/10
STORYLINE :
The story and idea is really commendable and excellently thought of. I particularly enjoyed that it wasn't just about Etis or the Fallen Queen myth, but also about her life with being double minded about Ayum and Ryan. The sub-plot of her teenage life was a very interesting addition. 10/10
VOCABULARY:
Your choice of words were very good. You knew when to use which word so the story could be understood clearly to the readers. I wasn't baffled at any extremely complex words or bored at it being too simple, you really did a good job choosing words and making it clear. 10/10
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION:
You did write well, but there were small mistakes that you probably didn't notice while writing. For example in Chapter 11, it's supposed to be, "I felt like I was living in the pages of Robert Frost's poetry." In your text, it didn't quite make sense. Others include Chapter 43, it's made* a mistake not exactly did a mistake.. Chapter 61, it's better understood if you said, "During our disappearance* and stopping of attacks" and also in Chapter 68, the spelling of niece should be altered. Coming to punctuation, it was good with a few minor mistakes. 6/10
CHARACTERS/DIALOGUES:
The thing I focus on mostly is the character development. You started off with Kashi(sorry Ryan, but I like the nickname Kashi better than saying Karishma, it's not exclusive anymore hehe) and gave a good description of her and what she's like. As the story unfolded, I got a lot of insight on every other character and what they're like. I like how you built the characters to the extent that I can form a mental picture of them. Well done! As far as dialogues are concerned, they were done well, you knew when to have a character speak, and when not to. 10/10
DESCRIPTIONS :
Describing surroundings and characters aren't that easy at times, but you really pulled through and managed to balance that and give it your best. I have to say, you do describe surroundings well. For a person who quite as well doesn't like a lot of descriptions, I felt that it was definitely good. 9/10
PACE :
The pace of this story was good. You didn't rush it, neither was it matching a snail's speed. It was at a good pace, however I would've liked if you just extended the last part to show the impact a bit more as it seemed a bit rushed. Maybe if you weakened Kashi a little, and she fell down, and then got back up to kill Zachariah. I feel like she killed them a little bit too easily, she should've underwent a little bit of trouble with killing them. That's the only thing, otherwise good pace. 8/10
FLOW OF THE STORY :
'The Fallen Queen' flowed very well. The sequence of events really intertwined to create this amazing story. I understood what was happening and when it was happening, which I think is so important, you didn't make it confusing whatsoever. 10/10
OVERALL ENJOYMENT :
I honestly enjoyed this story! Being someone who steers clear from any fantasy books (besides Harry Potter hehe) I found this really entertaining and never thought I'd enjoy something like this. It is really well done and I read it from start to end so that should say how much I liked this hehe. 10/10
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS :
Just a suggestion: When you do have time, read over it and correct some mistakes, it would make it better : ) P. S. Try not to take offense regarding anything I've said, I try not to sugarcoat anything so you understand what I'm saying. Saying things straight up is what I think will help you grow as a writer.
