I see it in your Eyes (you'll be alright)

Chapter 18

Jennie had been home for two weeks. Two extremely stressful, chaotic weeks.

Two whole entire weeks of getting up in the morning, pumping, helping Ella get ready for school, throwing some clothes on herself and then rushing out of the door. It had been hectic and beyond exhausting for all of them. It seemed that Ella was the only one in the house getting any sleep, and honestly Jennie wasn't sure how she would manage without her. She was a huge help when it came to having to rush around in the mornings, Jennie almost felt guilty at just how well behaved she was being. Ella would get dressed and eat her breakfast without a single complaint. She would brush her own teeth and hair whilst she waited for Jennie to finish pumping in the morning so that she could come braid her hair for school.

The three of them piled into Lisa's car at the crack of dawn every morning, they would detour to the hospital where Jennie would kiss them both goodbye and head in with a cooler of whatever milk she had pumped the night before. Jennie would spend the entire day in the NICU with Evie before Lisa and Ella picked her back up at the end of the school day.

Once they got home, Jennie would help Ella with whatever homework she had for the evening whilst Lisa finished up any work that she needed to get done. The three of them ate dinner together every single night at the table in the dining room. It felt important to Jennie to have that time all together in the same place, it was a single calm hour in the current storm that was their life, and it was a blessing.

Once they had cleaned up for dinner, Jennie would go through Ella's bedtime routine with her whilst Lisa washed the dishes and then took Oreo out for her nightly walk. Once Ella was down for the night and Lisa had returned with Oreo, depending on which day it was, either Rosé or Jisoo would stop by for an hour or two to allow Jennie and Lisa to sneak away to the hospital for a bit to see Evie together. It was the only real time they had with her together and they treasured it.

When they would finally fall into bed around midnight, they only slept for a few hours until Jennie had to get up to pump yet again, and before they knew it the alarm was blaring into the silence of the room indicating that it was time to get up and do it all over again.

Lisa was extremely thankful that her family was safe, and for the most part healthy. She knew that she had come a little too close to potentially losing her wife and her unborn daughter, which is why she felt so guilty about her current state of mind.

Lisa was exhausted. Both mentally and physically. She wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to keep up their current routine and it had only been two weeks. She knew that Evie may not be home for another two or three months at the most and she also knew that there was no way she could handle things for that length of time. Lisa felt awful about the whole situation, she wasn't getting any sleep at all with Jennie up and down throughout the whole night, she was trying to keep on top of her work and at least half of her energy at any given time was dedicated to worrying about Evie.

The only time that Lisa felt as though she could actually breathe was when she went to work, and even then it was only because she knew that Jennie was with Evie and that they were both safe. If she was being honest, she had absolutely no idea how Jennie was doing everything. Her wife was a literal superwoman. Sure, Lisa wasn't getting much sleep but neither was Jennie, and Jennie was the one actually having to pump. Jennie was the one strapping her boobs into a nipple sucking contraption every few hours throughout the night, whilst also recovering from major surgery. Jennie was the one doing it all without coffee because she wasn't allowed to drink caffeine whilst breastfeeding. Jennie was already splitting herself in two so that she could give her all to both of her kids. Jennie was doing it all.

Lisa saw it every single day. She could see the exhaustion in her wife's eyes, but also the overwhelming love and adoration that was written all over her face when Ella completed a challenging question on her homework, or when Evie reached another goal or milestone in the NICU. She didn't know how Jennie was doing it all when she could barely keep her own head above the water.