Tomorrow's Blues

45. Tomorrow's Blues

I wasn't really aware of anything as I swiftly turned and left the bar. I wasn't aware of the tears already rolling down my face. I wasn't aware of the smokers giving me strange glances as I rushed past them. I wasn't aware of the cold air, chapping my cheeks and the light breeze ruffling my hair. All I could picture was Joseph and Violetta, staring lovingly at each other. Holding hands. I'd probably just missed them kissing.

I wanted to throw up.

I kept half-walking, half-running. I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get away. Only I didn't make it very far. One second I was in the centre of town, the next my feet were hitting sand. I didn't stop there, though. My feet took me right to the water's edge, where I froze, looking out to sea.

The sun had almost set. I might have appreciated the view were my eyes not blurry with tears. I took some deep breaths to calm myself down, wiping my eyes and taking a few steps back from the sea. I hugged my shoulders, the wind whipping the hair out of my face as I just stared at the ocean, at the waves rolling in.

I'd seen Violetta a matter of hours ago. And she'd told me she wasn't here to get Joseph back. But she had told me that she still had feelings for him. She had seemed so genuine and kind that I'd really believed her, but I guess that was just completely naïve of me.

So, Joseph and Violetta were probably getting back together. I could deal with that. I'd been without Joseph before, and I'd been doing just fine. But that was before I knew what it was like to be in love. To be so devoted to someone you'd do just about anything for them. To want to spend every second with them and know you'd never get bored of them. And Joseph was that for me. But he was in love with someone else. And that hurt like a bitch.

But I would be fine. I had Alice back. I had Ellie and Sam and Ryan and Pierre and apparently Millie. If someone had told me back when I first started working at Melissa's that me and Millie would become such unlikely friends... well, I would have laughed. But blunt as she was, she'd become one of the more constant people in my life.

I would be fine. Living with Pierre and Hannah was the right move. It already felt like home. I would get through the rest of the school year, and I would go to university next September and start fresh. Maybe I'd meet someone new, and I'd look back at Joseph with fond memories. I'd look back at our relationship and think about how young I was and how I didn't even know what love was, but I'd see it as something I learned from.

God, who was I kidding?

I didn't know what to do now. I didn't want to go home and have to talk to Pierre and Hannah about everything. I didn't want to see Alice and tell her I was too late. The only person I wanted to talk to was Joseph and he was with Violetta.

I turned away from the water. I couldn't stay here, anyway. It was November meaning it was bloody freezing.

I trudged across the sand, back towards the road, without any destination in mind. I lifted my eyes only to see a figure standing at the edge of the sand, watching me.

I froze. My eyes met his. His chest was moving up and down, like he'd been running. His hair was tousled and windswept. His face was full of emotion I was scared to put a name to.

"What are you..." my voice was weak, my throat closed up. "What are you doing here?"

Joseph stepped forward. "I came to find you."

My heart was thumping. "Why?"

His gaze moved over my face. "You know why."

His words took me back to the night at the hotel. My mind filled with the memories of us standing in the hallway, both scared to let each other in. And as I looked at Joseph, I knew that was exactly why he said that. "No, I don't know why."