𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 《 ɪɴᴀʀɪᴢᴀᴋɪ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ 》

16: distance

Chapter 16

The bus trip going to Miyagi is quiet. You think it's because of the whole team having to wake up very early despite spending the previous day playing with college Tokyo teams. You didn't have the chance to say goodbye to your Tokyo friends (Bokuto was spamming you in texts saying how unfair you are) so you just apologized in the group chat and explained the tightness of your schedule. 

Honestly, you believe it's quiet because the usual second year gang is sitting separately, aside from you and Suna - who sat beside you right after you found a suitable seat on the bus. You assumed that Osamu and Atsumu will be sitting together, but instead, they rolled their eyes at each other and sat on two different rows. 

"That's a first... I never saw 'Samu and 'Tsumu not sitting together before," you whispered to Suna. He looked at you weirdly and replied,

"They always don't sit together," this information shocked you. Back when you were in middle school, they were inseparable. They just don't sit together when you sit between them. Suna must have seen your confused expression because he elaborated.

"Aran-kun was the one who told us this, but he said it all started in their middle school. While they were in the gym, he said they just started fighting and screaming at each other." You momentarily stopped him,

"But isn't that normal? They always fight over nonsensical things," you wondered. You saw Suna nodding beside you,

"Aran-kun said their team also thought that the fight was just one of those fights, so they just waved it off. But after days pass, there were changes between the two. They still talk to each other and play - but there was a distance created."

Distance?

"This story is known to the team. They speculated that it has something to do with the childhood friend that Aran-kun mentioned last time, whom I'm guessing, is you "

You racked your brain over the fights that the twins had back when you were in middle school, but none of what you recollected were much of a big fight. Unless..?

"Did Aran-kun say when the fight was?" Suna nodded and pondered over it a bit,

"Sometime after their Nationals? The twins were in their second year," Your expression must have shown something since it spiked Suna's interest. He leaned closer to you and asked,

"So... do you happen to know what the fight is about?" you immediately shook your head and lied through your teeth. It didn't seem to convince the middle blocker but he let it go. Just as your gaze were about to turn away from him, he added something.

"You know what's interesting? Aran-kun said they were almost back to normal whenever they are with you. So it's definitely tied to you and whatever shit went down years ago."

Scared that your eyes would reveal anything, you immediately averted your eyes forward.

"You know what I think?" Suna lowly whispered, "To my eyes, you three are so desperate to cling onto what you once had that you haven't even solved one of your many issues with each other," you looked at him for a long time as his words sinks in.

"Bottomline is– I think you're forcing yourselves to believe that everything is already fine, when it is truly not. I advise you to do something about it or things will go to shit again." Suna narrowed his eyes on you, gauging your reactions or some gossip of some sort– you just shut your mouth. Thousands of thoughts running inside your head.

After how many minutes of silence, you sighed deeply after the sloppy escape to the gossip Suna was fishing for. You were about to talk about something else when Suna beat you to it,

"So... Shirabu Kenjirou huh?" your eyes immediately widened. While you are thankful to the topic change, you were not happy with the new subject of the talk.

"SHUT UP!" you slapped his arm for five times to make him shut his mouth in fear that someone will hear. But alas! Because of you screaming, the attention was on you and Suna. You laughed drily and sat upright, 

"Nothing to worry about here... sorry," 

When everyone else looked away, you shot Suna a glare. 

"Can't you give me peace and quiet?" Suna just snickered and pulled his sleeping mask over his eyes.

"Just curious," you rolled your eyes and also went to sleep, after all, in a matter of hours, they're going to arrive at Miyagi.

"Kita-san, I have to go and find some bandages and disposable sponges. I can probably search nearby stores," you informed him as you went up to the inn that the team is staying at. He looked back at you and thought for a second,

"Do you need someone to accompany you?" he asked. You guess he's worried that you would get lost at an unfamiliar place? But you just shook your head,

"I'll be fine. I can navigate through mobile maps, and you guys need to rest. The practice match is later in the afternoon," Kita nodded at what you said and reminded you to be careful and try my best not to get lost.

As you were about to leave the lobby, you heard people arguing by the corner.

"Are you trying to fuck things up again?" Osamu's harsh voice came through. You're really against eavesdropping but you have a feeling that you would need to hear this.

"I'm doing no such thing!" Atsumu replied with just as much intensity that his twin had.

"Then what do you think you're doing?" Osamu hissed.

At this point, you don't really know what they're fighting about. Maybe it's just another one of their nonsense fights.

"I just want some space for a while! I'm thinking things through!" Atsumu lowly uttered. He sounded very confused and lost to your ears that it kept you rooted at your place instead of going your way.

Atsumu never acted this way when you were still close.

Well, what do you expect? That nothing changed at all?

Your mocking thoughts was paused when Osamu finally replied after sighing out of frustration,

"Again? You want space again? You're going to ignore her for some time and in the end, you won't talk to her at all. And where does that leave this already half-mended broken friendship?"

It was so silent that you might hear it clearly if someone dropped a pin. It struck you what Osamu was referring to.

This is very much similar to three years ago.

"Do you realize now what I'm trying to say?" Osamu agitatedly asked the setter,

"No, I don't. I don't get why I can't have a say on how to react based on what I feel. Because we're hanging on a thread? Because despite saying we're going to back to normal— nothing is going back to normal at all? Or is it because you don't want to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, our friendship is broken beyong repair?"

Hearing Atsumu rant all of that out seems like a wake up call, because he is totally right.

All of this seems fake somehow. You didn't even talk about what truly happened. The three of you just decided to swipe things off like nothing happened, but that is just wishful thinking.

You thought you had crossed the ocean-like distance between the three of you already, but it seems like you barely swam half-way.

"Why would it be broken beyong repair? We are here, aren't we? She's here, with us?" You could almost hear the insecurity behind Osamu's words.

"Until when are you going to delude yourself? Am I the only one that feels like this whole ordeal is forced?"

The distance is still so much wider, and once again, you find yourself walking away from it.

Not now.