The Killer Among Us

Chapter 34

These memories beat inside my chest, like a second heart. Remembering them felt like seeing my reflection in a mirror. It made me see just how rotten my insides were. Even more, they made me realise how it ever even got that far.

I stood on the curb side of a familiar, well off neighbourhood, hesitant to move. When I glanced around, I focused on banal things, such as the way the rain hit the ground, how the streetlights reflected on the wet asphalt.

For a moment, I wondered what life would be like if I lived in one of these houses, instead of the dumpster I grew up in. Yet, I didn't envy these people.

They were talented at masking their pain, their inner turmoil, but I could see the cracks in their masks, threatening to burst at any moment and reveal the ugly inside that no money could ever hide.

Inside, I felt my own turmoil, my own unrest, and yet I couldn't quite tell what was bothering me.

Then, I finished my cigarette and threw it onto the wet ground. The last cloud of smoke made my insides shiver.

The house that stood in front of me had a way of intimidating me like nothing else. It stood tall, triumphant and most devastatingly, it made me feel like a lesser person. Yet, inside of it lived the most beautiful angel I had ever known and for some bizarre reason, she chose to let me inside of her life, catching but a glimpse of the other side of town.

For quite some time I had been dating Ava, feeling for the first time in forever like there is a better future for me ahead. She challenged me, encouraged me and hopefully loved me like I had loved her.

All day, she had been ignoring my calls, however, making me worried that she wasn't well. Maybe there was something that I did or said that upset her.

Needing to make sure that she was okay, that we were okay, I walked up to her front door. I straightened my shirt and then knocked, a feeling of unease washing over me.

I heard her walking down the steps and then she nonchalantly opened the door, surprise on her face when she saw me standing there. I wonder who else she might have been expecting.

My hair was slightly wet, draping into my face and my shirt clung to my skin.

She, however, looked pristine. In a dusty pink, long sleeved, dress she looked so put together, so innocent and warm.

A small smile formed on my lips as I greeted her in a soft voice, "Hey, Ava."

She swallowed hard, "Hey, what's up?"

I wondered why she was so distant and cold.

"I just came to make sure you were okay," I paused for a moment, "You haven't been answering my calls all day."

Hesitantly, she opened the door wider and welcomed me inside. The warmth of the house quickly engulfed me, making goosebumps ride on my arms.

Without a word, she walked up the tall staircase and I simply followed her. Mindlessly, I admired the interior of the house. Beautiful high ceilings, tasteful furniture and carefully selected decorations showed just how rich Ava's parents really were and it intimidated me.

"Hey, what's wrong, Ava?" I said, breaking the silence. Confusion was evident in my voice and she seemed to have noticed that.

She froze at the top of the stairs, looking separated from reality. Swiftly, I stood beside her, holding her arm in a comforting manner, when I reiterated, "What's wrong? Tell me."

Her beautiful eyes never locked with mine and my guts twisted, a sob stuck in my throat. Deep inside, I knew that there was something incredibly wrong but never once did I expect her to say what she said next.

Finally, she said quietly, "There - there's something I need to tell you, Jacob."

Her eyes welled up with tears and her head hung low in shame.

I couldn't take the tension anymore and so, slightly animated, I held her by her fragile shoulders and said, "Tell me, Ava. Please."

We stood like that for a while. Silence and fear hung in the air. I tried to rub her arm, to comfort her, but she flinched beneath my touch.

Realising that something between us had utterly changed, I dropped my hands in defeat and commanded again, this time a little louder, "Ava, tell me what's wrong."

She shook her head, her entire body stiff and her tears were dripping onto the marble floor.

Anger bubbled in my stomach, taking over any affection that I had left. So, I started chuckling slowly, mostly in disbelief.

"Now, Ava," I yelled at her, causing her to startle at my loud voice.

Slowly and almost inaudible, she finally admitted, "Jacob, I don't love you anymore."

Her voice was but a mere whisper but I still heard every single word and yet I could not understand. What had changed? Just the day before everything was okay. I could feel my heart shattering into pieces in my chest.

Instead of trying to understand her, however, I got furious. My vision blurred and my entire body shook in anger.

Then, I finally whispered, spite so evident in my voice, "Why?"

She ignored my question and so I yelled again, causing her to look up at me, "Why, Ava? Tell me. What happened, huh?"

Ava swallowed hard, slowly gathering petty confidence and showing me a face she had never revealed before. Then she said, "There's someone else."

It felt as if my tie to reality finally snapped, causing me to fall into a downward spiral.

The Ava that stood in front of me was not the Ava I fell in love with. And yet I had no excuse, because the Jacob that stood in front of her in that moment wasn't the Jacob she had fallen in love with either.

She crossed her arms in front of her, balancing her weight on one of her long legs, as she said, "Yes, there's someone else. So what, Jacob? Get over it."

I scoffed at her words, my heart rate increasing rapidly. Looking back, I am convinced that my anger was a coping mechanism, guarding my heart from letting her words destroy me.

"Who?" my voice thundered, "Who is it, Ava?"

Annoyed at my question, she threw back, "Why does that even matter, Jacob?"

"Just fucking tell me, Ava," I spat at her. She was clearly annoyed at my poisonous tone.

She took a step towards me, chest pushed out and jaw clenched, as she said, "Why the hell do you care, huh?"

Ava always knew what buttons to push with me. She was great at getting exactly what she wanted, whenever she wanted it. Her next words were clearly meant to hurt me, for whatever reason.

With both her hands, she pushed against my chest repeatedly, emphasizing each of her words, "You didn't honestly think that I would stay with a loser like you."

I chipped back, "Oh Ava, whoever that coward is, just wait 'til he sees what's behind all that plastered make-up. You're just a facade," I paused, "I can't fucking believe it took me this long to realise. I - I was the only one who really loved what was beyond your expensive mask."

Maybe I did want to hurt her, make her feel what she made me feel. But what happened next changed everything and, I swear, I never intended for it to go this far.