Aro/ace Stuff

My personal journey

My personal journey. Wow. Ok.

So, like many queer people, I started out believing I was straight. I had loads of LGBTQ+ friends so I was a huge ally (still am) too. My road to discovery was quite something. It started with this little show called Hamilton.

I watched Hamilton on Disney+ during lockdown 2021. If you're familiar with the musical, you will be familiar also with the song "Say No To This". It isn't particularly bad, but I nevertheless texted my friends like "woah this song is a bit much" and they all responded like "I mean not really". One of my queer friends then said, "you might be ace idk". So curious me went and did a little research about asexuality. I have to say I didn't really think much of it at first. But for the next few weeks I started thinking I really might be this. I talked to my close friends about it and I said I thought I might be ace. They were all great with it. I told my mum about it (I'm very open with her about everything so yeah). She basically said "you're a bit young surely you can't know for sure." And I believed her so I decided I was too young to know. Now months later I came back to this same topic and decided "no I'm not too young and I really do feel like this label fits me" so there I was and I came out all over again. So there I was, decided on the label straight asexual.

Then, I started to have a crush on a boy. This made total sense because I was heteroromantic after all, right? Well no. I had known this boy for 3 and a half years and had no feelings for him until sitting next to him all day everyday in school for a whole year. So then I thought, "maybe I'm on the aromantic spectrum?" Eventually I decided I was closest to straight demiromantic, but it never really sat quite right because I didn't have a proper bond with him, which is what demiromantic means. Either way, that was my new label.

More and more of my friends started coming out as queer. I started thinking I might actually be bi demiromantic asexual. Girls were really cute and the idea of dating one was about as appealling as dating a boy. I never actually used this as my label, but it crossed my mind many, many times.

Now, back to this boy I had a crush on. Well, I got over it after months. And then looking back, I instantly realised that it hadn't been a crush at all. It had been me admiring how perfect at everything he is and him having a nice-enough face.

Then I started questioning again. Eventually I discovered I was aromantic. Looking back, I think it took me so long to realise that I was aro because I have always liked the idea of relationships. I always wanted a partner and a big white wedding, so being aromantic never really crossed my mind.

So yeah. I came out as aroace to a few people and all was good.

Then I discovered the idea of oriented aroace. The idea that you can be aroace but still feel other forms of attraction strongly. I didn't think much of it at the time. Until a few weeks later. There were multiple times I had considered whether or not I was gay because girls were just *chef's kiss*. But that didn't change the fact that the only thing I wanted was to physically look at them and think they are stunning, not have sex, not date. So when I realised I could be oriented aroace, I realised I was lesbian aroace.

This is where we've got to today, and I am only out to my friends. I dare not come out to my parents because they wouldn't understand it at all.

Any questions, please ask :)