Head in The Clouds

Abuela Knew

Vanessa age 47 June
It has been a month since we lost Mamí. Things have been tough, but we are learning to move on. Mama is who I am really worried about. Her and Mamí were together for almost 45 years. I see how broken Mama is, but I don't know what to do to help her.
Today, we are moving Mama in with us. She is lonely in her apartment. Since Lucia is going to college in the fall, Mama and Lucia decided they want to share a room. When Lucia is an college, Mama will have her own room. When she is home for holidays, they are excited to be sharing a room.
"Mama, I need help making room on my shelves."
"Okay honey, I will be there in a moment. I was just about to go check on your Abuela and ...."
"I miss her too Mama."
Lucia walks over and wipes my cheek with her hand.
"Thank you Mija. I will be back in a moment."
I walk over, where Daniel and Mama are. When I walk in, they seem to be whispering about something.
"Hey you two, what are you whispering about, in an empty house?"
Daniel seems to turn a shade of red. "Nothing Mama."
"Umm, okay. Are you two almost done packing?"
"Yes honey. We have it all sorted for sale, move, store, or throw away."
"Sounds good. Usnavi will be here in half an hour to help move the heavier stuff. He just need to finish at the store."

Later that night, I go in to check on Daniel.
"Hi mijo, are you ready for bed?"
"Yes Mama."
"Okay, sleep well." I walk over, kiss his head, and begin to walk out.
"Mama!"
"Yes Mijo."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Anything baby. What's up?"
"Well, I guess first, I want to tell you, I have a boyfriend."
"Oh, okay. Well, do I get to meet him?"
"That's one of the other things. You've actually already met him."
"I have?"
"Yeah?"
"Who is he?"
"It's Camilo."
"Camilo Lewis? Nina's son?"
"Yeah. I mean, we're not actually cousins. I mean, I hope that is okay?"
"Mijo, take a deep breath. I am fine with it. No, you are not actually cousins. Either in blood, or adoption. Benny and Nina are, were, just like family to us. Is that what you and Abuelita were talking about earlier?"
"Part of it?"
"Do you want to tell me the rest yet?"
"Not yet Mama?"
"Okay. That is okay. Daniel, I love you."
"I love you too Mama."

I leave Daniel's room and head to bed.
"Guess what?"
"What is it Amor?"
I sit beside Usnavi. "Daniel finally told me who he is dating."
"Ohh, who?"
"Camilo."
"Ha! Pay up. I told you that those two are dating."
I just laugh and kiss him. "Yeah yeah. I have no cash."
"You can work for it," he smirks.
I arch an eyebrow. "What kind of woman do you take me for?"
He sits up and pulls me towards him. He starts to kiss me. "One who... loves to... pleasure her husband... and who's husband.... Loves to pleasure her."
I lean my head back and let out a soft moan. "I love you Usnavi."
He lays me down and gets on top. "I love you too Vanessa."

Vanessa age 47 July
I am coming home for lunch when I hear Daniel talking. I am surprised to hear Daniel's voice. I expected him to be at the store. He normally helps his dad on Thursdays.
"How will I ever tell my parents. My Abuela was understanding, but I am the only son. How can I take that away from them."
"Daniel, is that you?" I call out, not wanting to scare him.
"Crap!" I hear him whisper. "I have to go!"
"Daniel, what's the...." I round the corner, and see him in a dress, heals, and full face of makeup.
"What's going on?"
"Mom... I...please don't be mad."
"Mad, why would I be mad?"
"Your son is wearing a dress."
"I am a little mad that the dress looks better on you than me, but I'm not mad at you for wearing it."
Daniel laughs a little at this. I walk over to him and hug him.
"Daniel, is there something you want to tell me?"
"Mama, I don't know how to say it."
"One word at a time."
He sighs and takes a breath. "Mama, I... I don't feel like a boy. I.... I feel like a girl."
"Okay. So, you are saying you are trans."
"Yes."
His face turns bright red and he looks almost ashamed. It breaks my heart that he was scared to tell me.
"Hey, look at me." I lift my baby's face. "I accept you for you. I don't care if you are male, female, both, or neither one. All I want is for you to be happy, healthy, and safe."
Daniel looks near tears. "Thank you Mama."
"So, are you still Daniel, or is there another name you go by?"
"Daniella. Like Abuelita."
"How long have you known you are a girl?"
"As long as I can remember."
"Who knew before I did?"
"Camilo, Abuelita, and Abuela. I told them two years ago."
"Why didn't you tell us? Why did you wait so long to tell us?"
"I was scared. Abuela keep trying to get me to tell someone, but I couldn't. The last thing she told me was encouraging me to be my true self, and that she loves me."
Daniella breaks down crying. I pull her into my arms. "I am glad you were able to confide in your grandmas. I love you so much, Mija."
Daniella cries even harder at this. "Thank you for accepting me Mama."

When I get back to the salon, Mama gives me a look.
"Mama, Daniella told me."
Mama looks relieved. "I have been waiting for her to tell you, for a long time."
"She said that Mamí knew."
"Carla was the first to know. We have suspected from the time Daniella was five. She told us a couple of years ago. Since then, we were her confidant."
At this I feel instant guilt. "How did I not pick up on this when she was younger?"
"You know now. That is what matters."
"Daniella and I are going to tell Usnavi and Lucia tonight. Would you like to be there with us? I know she she will appreciate it."
"I would love to. Tomorrow, I am taking my granddaughters shopping."
"Thanks Mama. I am glad you and Mamí were there for her."
"I love you Honey."
"I love you too Mama."

The three of us told Usnavi and Lucia. They both took it well. Now, Usnavi and I have two happy daughters, instead of a happy daughter and an unhappy son."