The Greatest Prank

Ch 17

And now, for a quick commercial break:

Harry couldn't believe what he was seeing. Richard was helping a little old granny down the street. He promptly walked into an orphanage, grabbed an infant left by some teenaged mother, then went up to Richard. The caretaker hadn't even realized the brat was gone yet.

"Richard, eat this infant."

"Why?"

"Because you're acting like (shudder) a Hero."

Richard blinked, looked at what he was doing, then ate the infant to the horror of the little old granny.

"Better?"

"Much better."

He then proceeded to set the granny and the orphanage on fire.

Harry looked at the horrified audience.

"You're not you when you're hungry. Evil satisfies."

(Okay, I had to get that out of my system after one too many Snickers commercials.)

Harry looked at the Slytherin sixth years with a raised eyebrow.

"What happened to you?" he had to ask, knowing it would be amusing.

"Reanimated rabid raccoons and badgers with lasers on their head set on fire and in the mood to mate with something," deadpanned the only girl who had more or less been used as the target for the last class before Harry returned. Lucie Champagne, if he remembered right.

"Huh. I owe him fifteen galleons. I bet Professor Richard wouldn't be able to add lasers to a reanimated mammal and have it set on fire without the thing exploding before it got to fire it at least once," mused Harry. Lucie twitched. "Anyway since Professor Richard has been dismembered at the request of the staff...again...for the twentieth time this year... I shall act as the substitute until he finds some poor idiot who can use a sticking charm on his limbs and head."

At this point the staff was more or less used to Richard's antics. Or perhaps the word should be apathetic. So long as he kept his damage setting to maim rather than kill, they turned a blind eye to his presence in the school.

The students gave a pain-filled 'huzzah' (Harry didn't attack them with nearly the same frequency as Richard) as they set about learning how to cast silently.

Mainly the shield spell, considering they had to deal with Richard on a weekly basis.

PETER PETTIGREW REAL TRAITOR! SIRIUS BLACK TO RECEIVE COMPESATION FOR FALSE IMPRISONMENT!

"Huh. So he got tired of playing with the rat."

"Actually from what I understand there was a small miscommunication between the minions and the Greens accidentally set the idiot loose while he was on one of his breaks. The rat managed to apparate to the Ministry and all but handed himself to the Aurors. Apparently he believes Azkaban a better alternative," said Richard dryly.

"I suppose it would be a good idea to remind him that he's not that lucky, he only got a small break," mused Harry.

There was a law that allowed the head of a house to claim a prisoner from Azkaban to force them to serve like a house elf until the debt was repaid. Sirius, as head of the Black family, had enough clout he could simply walk in and get the rat back legally until he died or Sirius got tired of using him as a test dummy.

"That reminds me. Dark Lady Mandy sent you this through the Guild post," said Richard.

"'Mandy's Lessons On How To Be Properly Evil While Maintaining An Innocent Facade'?"