My Favourite Dream

8. First Session

"You gonna be fine soon. Very fine" Taran's words were ringing in her head continuously ever since Pari has stepped out of his cabin. Her mind can't stop bombarding her with questions, she doesn't know answers of. Will she really be fine? Will this series of pain and torment ever end? Is she brave enough to come out of this and fight it?

She doesn't know for now, but two hours back, when she reached the hospital as per the time allotted to her, she was certain that she can't do it. With dead steps, she went up to the floor, but when she was standing outside Dr Ayaan's room, her body shivered, her hands started sweating and mind was saying to back off. She knows that in this entire process of medication and healing, she has to tell his doctor what happened with her, and no way her mind and soul were ready to live that time all over again. Till now, she has kept it all with her, didn't even include Neeti in this mess. Parineet is scared. Scared of conversations. She doesn't know what the other person will think of her if she opens her heart out. Will they mock her, make fun of her? Will they sympathies with her? Or do they pity her? Will they chide her for leaving her best friend, with that cheater as Vikram told her once? Her questions seemed endless to her and were eating her up.
Parineet made her mind that she wouldn't go inside. She was sure, she won't attend that appointment untill Dr Taran appeared in front of her. 
Parineet did not like it when he was forcing her to see the doctor. The doctor must be his very good friend but the decision to meet him, is completely hers. And specially when she was feeling weak in the moment, how can he force her?
But those three words from him were enough to rip apart her heart.
"Aap beemar hain."  Parineet knew she isn't fine but listening the exact same thing made her feel miserable. The realisation hit her badly this time and tears started forming in her eyes.
Why he has to say that? She thought.
He said sorry to her multiple times in a single sentence and comforted her.
Parineet doesn't understand her behaviour in front of Taran. Now that she is thinking about his and her equation after coming back home, it is making her ponder.
She never behaves rudely, but with him, she gets irked. She stays silent, but with him, she talks and put her points. His words hurt her, but then she work upon them, as if she's strong?

"I want to get well soon. I really do." She doesn't know if it was her or her pumped up, challenged self who uttered those words in front of Dr Ayaan. She has no idea if that was her strong side, speaking for her self or the one who got enraged by Dr Taran's words, and who had started hating Rajeev in the very moment.

She sat through the entire appointment, telling Dr Ayaan her symptoms, her sufferings and listening to him.
Ayaan deduced that she has clinical depression and he will give her cognitive behavioural therapy. She has to visit him regularly after every two weeks for the talk therapy. Though Ayaan assured her that she will get better soon, she couldn't control her tears. Parineet never thought that she will get diseased. Rajeev harmed her emotionally and mentally. In that moment, Parineet realised that she HATES Rajeev.

"Miss Parineet I assure you, that if you help me as much as I will help you in this process, you will get free of depression very soon. Just co-operate with me." Ayaan had said and she nodded.

While wiping her tears, Parineet stood up from the chair and left the cabin. She could hear Ayaan asking her to stop crying but everything sounded unclear. The feelings of hating on Rajeev and tension regarding her health, made her weep.
She was walking carelessly when someone again held her hand.
Dr Taran! Not again! Parineet's sub conscious mind said. She didn't have the energy to deal with him but surprisingly he calmed her down. Taran was gentle with her, his words are still ringing in her head, giving her positive energies.

"It is completely okay to be not okay. Own it. Deal with it. Beat it." Yes it's okay to be not fine, not good with health. It's alright and not a big issue. She can deal with it. She will. Parineet's heart called out to her.