A Fiery Dalliance

XXVI

"I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason." Stanley Baldwin

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XXVI.

Joe continued to stare at Perrie, and he was certain that he wore quite a ridiculous mask resembling a rather stupid fool. He could not understand how she had heard his greatest shame and simply dismiss it as an accident.

In hearing Perrie's response, Joe suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of unease. He was hearing words of tenderness that he did not deserve, and he could only attribute that to Perrie's lack of worldliness, and the protective sanctuary that had been built around her by two loving parents. Perrie didn't know what it was to be out in the world. Perrie didn't know what it was to be in a world where every inch of her was not entirely loved.

And Joe had once blamed Perrie for that. He had used that as justification for his immense dislike of her and his incessant need to battle her with every ounce of his being.

Perrie was simply ignorant, and that was not her fault. Joe could wish with everything inside of him for her words to be true, but wishes, just like fantasies, were simply make-believe.

"I've never wished to fight with you more, Little Imp," Joe mumbled as he hung his head in frustration.

"Why?" Perrie asked simply.

"You don't understand how wrong you are," Joe replied quietly.

"I am never wrong about anything." Joe could hear the humour in Perrie's voice, and it only contributed to the horrible guilt he felt.

Why on earth was he allowing her to try to make him feel better in this moment? What sort of man facilitated something like that after how he had behaved the night before?

"Perrie, I came to apologise to you. I behaved despicably last night, and I took tremendous advantage of you. What I did was unforgivable, and what I have done to you since I have known you is unforgivable, and I would not blame you at all if you truly hated me."

"Do you want me to hate you?" Perrie asked pointedly.

The question flooded Joe's mind as he realised, he couldn't accept her kindness. Of course, Joe did not want Perrie to hate him. Feeling as though Perrie hated him hurt him immeasurable But, when she did the opposite, and offered him her goodness, Joe could not accept that either.

"Joe, I think that someone sometime somewhere told you that you were not worthy of happiness, good fortune, and love, and you believed them."

Joe launched himself up and off of the settee so quickly, that he knocked into the tea table in front of him and sent the urn of flowers that had been atop it flying. The little blue and white patterned vase shattered as it came into contact with the hearth of the fireplace, and Joe flinched at the noise.

Perrie, however, did not move a muscle, and she was still seated delicately, looking up at Joe intently as Joe whipped around to gage her reaction as to the value of the china he had just ruined.

"Was it your father?"

A wave of horrible nausea swirled in Joe's stomach and he needed to be as far away from this conversation as possible. "You don't understand," Joe snapped harshly, before he immediately regretted the tone that he had taken with her.

"No, I don't," Perrie agreed, "but you needn't be angry with me for trying to understand."

Blue eyes bore into brown as Perrie and Joe tried in desperate failure to understand the other. Joe could not comprehend Perrie's patience, and Perrie clearly had not understood how Joe had been the one to destroy his own chances.