The Sympathizer

Chapter 7

I dig my fingers into the point between my left shoulder and neck, trying to knead away the knot under my stiff muscles. I haven't been able to sleep well for the past few days and the results are showing underneath my eyes. 

"I can't do it. You have to assign someone else." 

To an outsider it would look like I'm talking to my reflection in the mirror, whilst I busy myself with the silver jewels around my wrists. But General Lyra's hears my voice loud and clear through the ear piece that has been fashioned into a beautiful bejewelled clip that curves around my earlobe. 

"I didn't expect you to give up so quickly." The disappointment in her voice is evident and I bite my lip, feeling embarrassed. In all our years together as Sympathizers, this is the first time I've ever refused a mission. 

I tap the button on my dresser making sure the barely audible static that masks our conversation is still active. I draw in a breath, the soft buzzing that our device emits calming me slightly. 

The past few days have made me more and more paranoid. Nothing feels the same anymore, all the previous camaraderie I used to have with my peers now feels like a competition. 

And after tonight it will only get worse. 

My jaw tightens as I study my dress for the tenth time. Dark silver gossamer waves of material, moulding to my every curve, sheer in most places, leaving little to the imagination. 

A gift from one of the most powerful firearms families in Pluto and Commander Bardotta's in laws. It is the first time I've ever worn something so risqué and the message is clear. After tonight I will be a grown up in Plutonian society. The last of the Trinity to attain age. 

I've had days to think about it but the realisation always leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Everyones been sending me gifts, invitations to formal events and dates. 

It feels like the entire planet is ready for me to marry. 

Except me. 

I used to dream about the romance of it all. Being whisked away on a bottle space craft, with some drinks and Lazarus. Both of us unable to keep our hands of each other throughout the journey to our honeymoon in the Oceanus constellation. 

Lazarus has always loved their waters and beaches. He used to bring Lucian and I there when he first started flying. 

My jaw tightens when I remember how he had kicked me out of his house just days ago. The unreadable expression on his face when he stared at me from his sprawling balcony. 

"But you feel for him nonetheless." 

His words burn themselves into my brain over and over again, a scar I can't seem to get rid off. 

"So that's it then." General Lyra says, startling me. I'd been so wrapped up with my thoughts, I'd forgotten she was on the other side of the line. 

"It's too personal. The risks are too high. If I blow my cover, we're done." I reply, hoping she would be able to see it from my point of view but also knowing that she won't. 

"Then 'dont' blow your cover." The general answers in a patient voice, like she's talking to a child who needs coaxing. "Listen, tonight's your birthday celebration. The entire planet will be celebrating with you. It's a big deal and you must be feeling nervous. Don't make any hasty decisions now. We'll reconvene in a few days, alright?"

A few days would hardly make a difference but I agree for her sake alone. "Fine. See you at dinner." 

My communicator pings and I look down to see a message from Lucian.