Within Arkham's Walls: Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow x OC Fanfiction

XIII. The Monster

I met Jonathan down in his lab. His angular features and profile softly contoured by the greenish florescent lights dangling from the ceiling. He sat at his desk in the back of the room looking at some papers—at the desk where he had once, or maybe twice, well however times, ruffled through my exposed patient files.

I approached him swiftly, gracefully. Each click clack of my heeled boots on the grimy tile floor fueling the raging storm inside of me. Just like I storm I had seen creeping in on the edge of the bay.

Dr. Crane looked up from his papers and turned to face me as I approached his desk. His blue eyes like rain I felt pouring inside of me. His hair was disheveled, like he had been running his hands through it. But he looked clean-cut otherwise, as he usually did in his suits and ties.

"Hello, Ianthe." He said cooly, like it was a average work day, like he hadn't saved me from being shot and then fucked me in the same night. I was in no mood for keeping it casual or playing nice.

"You need to tell me what the actual fuck is going on Jonathan." My voice was sharp and stern, but I tried to speak as calmly as possible, contain my rage, otherwise I would loose it. I hadn't felt this side of me, this anger, in a long, long time...and I realized it was because I had missed several doses of my medication. Fuck. I had been so caught up that it had become the least of my worries, I thought I would be fine.

But I could feel the darkest part of me that I had been so diligently suppressing for years start to crawl out, it's claws sharp and teeth jagged. A monster. I knew that if I let it escape, it would be out for blood.

Crane spoke again, his voice oozing with arrogance. "About what, exactly?" He cocked his head and interlocked his fingers in his lap.

"Why did you ask me to come here if you're just going to sit here acting like an ignorant, condescending prick?"

He said nothing, so I continued. The monster crawling further out of its hole in my soul. "Why is it, that since I started working here, since I met you, my life has become a shit show? How is it that you know all these things about me and my life that I don't? That you supposedly know my past and who's out to get me, but in reality, you don't know me at all."

I didn't realize I had started yelling. "I feel like I'm loosing my damn mind! Is this what you wanted all along? Is that why you said all that time ago that you wouldn't mind seeing me locked up in here? Are purposely trying go drive me fucking insane?" I needed to breathe, I felt my body burning and I was starting to see red. "All I wanted was a fucking job here, so I could keep myself afloat and keep my home—the only home I've ever had, the home I made for myself. Now it's been absolutely destroyed." I stopped myself and took a step back as I felt tears stinging my eyes. I wouldn't cry in front of him.

Jonathan's face had gone from bland and bored to an expression I couldn't quite comprehend. His lack of reaction was pushing me further over the edge. It was his fault this was all happening, it had to be. The darkness inside of me pulled harder, I was a mess. A furious mess.

"Do you what it's like to be afraid, Dr. Crane? To be terrified for your life? As to what might come next?" Now I was screaming. Without thinking, I went to a nearby table and grabbed an aerosol can. The same kind as the one I had seen Jonathan use on Eric. I clicked off the safety and pointed it directly at the doctor. "Do you know what true fear feels like? The hysteria? The paranoia? The way it destroys everything in it's wake?"

I wanted him to feel fear. I wanted him to feel the pain that I felt, the terror that clawed at my being.

Shaking, I still held the can to Jonathan's face, but he didn't acknowledge it and instead continued to stare at me head on. His eyes glazed over and a whisper slipped out of his beautiful lips. "Ianthe...please believe me when I tell you I would never bring you harm, never let anything happen to you." He slowly stood from the table and approached me, but I stepped back, keeping the aerosol can targeted.

My mental dam broke and tears fell like acid down my cheeks. They washed away the uncontrollable monster that had possessed me in the previous moments and brought me back to consciousness. I looked at the aerosol can in my hand. Would I really have done that? Tortured somebody—Jonathan, the man I realized I had feelings for—with the same pain and fear I felt? I was disgusting and disappointed in myself.

Dr. Crane gently took the can out of my hand as he inched closer, and slid his other hand up my forearm, holding my elbow. I flinched at his icy touch. "Hey, it's okay." His voice stilling the raging waters inside of me.

"Listen, I'll tell you everything. I...I just needed time to figure the details out. I'm sorry. I didn't want to frighten you, but I see that's exactly what I did. It's strange, I usually indulge in inflicting fear on others," he paused, scanning the floor before looking back up at me, his aqua-blue irises invading my soul, "but not you. I never want to make you feel that way. Because yes, Ianthe, I do know what it feels like to be afraid, terrified for my life, as to what might come next. I've known that terrible, terrible feeling for a very long time now."

I saw the sunken sadness in his eyes as those words came out of him.

"Please Jonathan," I inhaled, drawing myself in, "help me."

Dr. Crane looked at me with solemn eyes, the iciness within them melting at each word.

"Just trust me."

And he pulled me into an embrace. I could smell the cologne on his neck as I rested my head against his shoulder. Crane held me tightly, one hand placed on my back of my head, ever so slightly stroking my hair.

I could tell affection didn't come easy for him.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" I asked, pulling away. "That's just what I was about to show you, well, before you almost fear-blasted me with my own weapon," Jonathan joked, jerking his head toward the aerosol can he had taken from me. I rolled my eyes.

"Take a look at this." Jonathan stepped aside so I could clearly see all the papers strewn about his desk.

I couldn't believe what laid before my eyes.