In the End

Chapter 2: Change

"I thought I would find you out here," Weylin commented. His voice was almost a whisper, as if he were afraid to disturb the solitude of the garden. His emerald green eyes looked at me carefully, searching for any signs of grief.

"I'm finished here if you want to go inside," I said. I smiled widely at him but I knew that my eyes did not agree. I knew he could see the sadness, the turmoil, the way my mind was spinning wildly out of control.

"I'd like to pay my respects," he responded resolutely. "If I may."

I smiled genuinely now and reached out for his hand. His gloved fingers curled around mine in that intimate way we had become accustomed to when we were alone. We walked down the  path toward the center of the garden where three statues stood. They were angels. One for my mother, one for my father, and one for my brother. My mother, I knew, was really and truly gone. She had left this world that fateful night so many years ago. My father and brother, though, were missing. I had no idea what had happened to them. Had they died? Were they alive and well somewhere? When I had gotten the courage to tell Lenora, only in part, about the horrific events of that night, she had asked me if I wanted to honor their memory and had suggested this. The tallest angel was for my mother. It stood erect in the very center of the garden. The other two shorter angels stood like sentries, guarding the middle one.

"Tell me about your mother again?" Weylin asked gently, setting a rose in the angel's outstretched hand.

"She was so beautiful," I said. I stared at the angel, imagining it was my mother. "She had these eyes that just lit up. It was like the joy in her was trying to come out through her eyes, so radiant and bright. And she had these soft wrinkles around her mouth and eyes because she was always smiling. She used to teach me the names of the flora and fauna. That was her gift, you know. Plants. She always said she preferred them to people because they couldn't hurt you. If you learned to identify the bad ones, they could never harm you without your permission. People weren't that easy. I never really understood what she meant until she died. She was so clever. "

I paused. Reflecting about that night was like twisting a knife in an open wound. I could have prevented it. I know I could have. Things could have been different. Should have been different. My mother was taken from this world far too soon. 

"She sounds wonderful," Weylin agreed. He squeezed my hand, lifted it to his lips, gently kissed my fingers, and slowly lowered my hand. "She would be so proud of you."

I wasn't sure about that. I think she would be quite disappointed in me. I had been a coward the last three years. I had been a coward for a long time before that really. I wasn't the woman she would have wanted me to be. I wasn't the woman I wanted myself to be. But it wasn't too late to change things.

My skin prickled again. Change was in the air. It filled my chest with a sense of dread. Change was so often followed by grief in my experience.

We stood in silence for some time, staring at the angel with the rose in its hand. When I was ready, I squeezed his hand and we walked back through the garden together toward the house. As we walked, I brushed my fingers against the chrysanthemums, watching them turn a little fuller, a little brighter, a little more youthful. I was careful to avoid the ones that were wilted and in need of pruning though I longed to touch them all.

As we entered the house, Weylin removed my cloak and hung it by the door. Breakfast was just being served as we entered the dining room. Lenora was already there, drinking her coffee and reading a book.

"Allegra, dear, how are you?" she queried. 

"Well," I responded. It wasn't entirely a fib. I was well. I was just . . . hurting. I never could seem to banish those inner demons which constantly jeered at me and blamed me for my mother's death, my family's disappearance, and every other terrible thing that had happened since. And today, as those goosebumps crawled along my arms again, they screamed condemnation at me. But I would not let anything happen here. I would choose the coming change.