𝙾𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙴𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢-𝚜𝚒𝚡

Billie insisted I come with her to her weekly yoga class but no insisting was needed. I wanted to be there. I've wanted to try yoga for some time now. The pictures I see on Instagram of women in their yoga poses. I think I could get that good and post pictures of myself in those poses, ocean in the background.

"Don't compare yourself to anyone else in the room," the instructor says, "Focus on your practice..."

The instructor's physique is ideal. Thin. I reckon she has a thigh gap. I wish I could look like her already.

"Observe your thoughts," the instructor continues, "Watch them as though they are clouds passing over. There is no need to react, believe or judge them. Notice your thoughts, but let them drift by. Thoughts come and let go."

What am I doing with Gabriel?

Breathe.

Is Gabriel really what I want?

I'm not very good at this.

I don't like how I feel when I'm around him.

Don't judge your thoughts.

Gabriel isn't what I want.

༄ ❀ ༄

The Collard Twins have hit the water. Me? I've told them I'll join them later. On my phone, I press to call Gabriel.

"Hey, Eden," Gabriel answers.

"Hey," I return. Deep breath. "I don't want to date you anymore." I'm not sure my voice made it to the receiver. It was so light, it may have been swept away with the afternoon breeze.

"You don't want to date anymore?" Gabriel asks.

He heard me. "No," I say. The first I've ever said the word to him.

Silence on the end of the line.

"Bye," I say.

"Bye," he says.

I hung up and breathe out.

༄ ❀ ༄

Before my shower, I went through the list of people I follow on Instagram. I unfollowed most of them. People I had followed because I wanted a follow back. People I followed to compare myself to. I even unfollowed Seraphina.

Today may be considered the most productive of my life; fun exercise, ending things with Gabriel, hours of focussed studying and a social media purge. I finish my day in Billie's double bed. Billie has fallen asleep, having placed her book on the bedside table and turned her lamp off simultaneously.

Then a knock at the window.

Benji smiling the other side of the glass.