Once you are here everything changes, I change. I've waited for you, for this day to become this person--yet I don't know her.
I can't believe you are mine, all tiny soft and perfect--can I do this?
I want to hold you, nurse you, hug and kiss you--but you make it difficult. I try anyway, hiding my fears quieting my doubts.
It will be easy everyone says--but it's not easy, and something is wrong. Wrong with me? Wrong with you? There is no separation we rely on each other.
I don't ask for help because this is my purpose--you need me.
I don't ask for help because they didn't. You don't sleep when you should or eat right. My milk dries up--I'm a failure.
Insecure answers to questions asked, no gut tuition, a mother, am I?
Tears in the dark, behind closed doors. Fake smiles in daylight though my heart hurts. Sheltered at home where I don't have to lie--but sheltered alone.
My love for you drives me--to the ends of the Earth. Yet my soul feels depleted, why me why us?
Your eyes look for me, snuggles and kisses--you curl into my arms finding safety.
You have no doubts--my struggles are not yours.
I am yours--and to you I am enough.
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