The Sun Will Shine Again (A Lesbian Story)

Part 5

The next morning, I awoke with Zofia curled up against my side. Sunlight poured in through the thin curtains, and both Cara and Beatrix were still fast asleep. I turned my head to admire Zofia's face at while she was peacefully asleep. Her lips were parted slightly, and she breathed steadily through her long, sharp nose. Her long white hair was spread over her shoulder, and she grasped at my arm. Her relaxed eyebrows and eyelids twitched before she yawned and opened her clear, amber eyes. She gazed into my eyes, still half-asleep, and her face was just as blank as mine had been the first time I met her.

"Good morning, sunshine," I teased. Nothing in her expression had given away what she was about to do. Slowly, she leaned into my face and placed a hand on the back of my head. She closed her eyes, and pulling my face towards her, she pressed her soft lips against mine. I jerked away, but her hand held me firmly in place. It was by no means an unpleasant kiss, but I was surprised. She parted her mouth slightly and gently pulled on my lips with hers, leaving a layer of moisture over my mouth. When she retracted, my eyes were wide, and she appeared embarrassed, immediately putting space between us and breaking eye contact.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I don't know what came over me. I just really wanted to do that. Sorry."

I pulled the blue sheets over my mouth and nose "It's okay," I said, heart racing. She really was lonely, and so was I. I'm sure she had been waiting for a kiss like that for a very long time. I wanted her to do it again. "Come back over." She shyly scooted closer to me, and I leaned my face into hers. "Kiss me again," I whispered. "Please." Her eyebrows gave away her surprise, and she hesitated.

"Are you sure?" she whispered back. "We've only known each other for a day."

"I feel like I've known you forever," I said. Then she kissed me again, harder this time. She smelled like ivory soap and mahogany teakwood lotion, and her skin was smooth as a pebble. We slowly kissed over and over again, each kiss more intense than the last, until I felt like my heart would explode from all the emotions running through me. I felt passion and longing and sadness all at once, but there was no reason to be sad anymore. I found someone who could share my pain, happiness, and laughter. I could still miss what I lost, but it was pointless to be trapped in a dark hole, sinking like quicksand in a black, gooey ink that stuck to every part of my body. I just had to tear free.

I pulled away from Zofia, took a deep breath, then exhaled tremendously. I felt at peace. "When are we going to the cemetery?" I asked. Zofia appeared to be a little disappointed that I stopped.

"We can head out as soon as you're ready," she replied. "We need to feed the animals, take Beatrix outside, and leave them in the bathroom when we leave. That way they won't get into anything, and any mess will be easy to clean up."

I inhaled and exhaled deeply again. "Okay," I said. "I'm going to shower, then." We both rose from the bed and Zofia handed me a change of clothes from her dresser by the bathroom door. Both the animals bounded up with our movement, and while I showered, Zofia took care of the animals. I thought about how we'd need to take them to the vet eventually to get vaccinations and about how I'd need to get a job soon instead of freeloading off Zofia and my parents. When I got out, Zofia was already dressed and handed me a bowl of cereal and a quart of milk. We both ate, put the animals in the bathroom, and began our walk to the florist.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but the wind nipped at my skin. Zofia loaned me a jacket for the walk, and after about thirty minutes, we reached the florist. Zofia gave the clerk her name and number, and he went into the back, emerging with two small pots of red, pink, but mostly white carnations with a single rose in the center of each. Zofia paid for both, and we were on our way to the cemetery, which was a twenty minute walk from the florist. Finally, I asked, "Why two pots, and why the single rose?"

"A single rose signifies enduring love for the deceased," she answered. "And I got two because Beatrix's grave is in the same cemetery. I thought I might as well, since we're going there. "

"Let me carry one," I said. She handed me the pot in her left hand, and I carefully grabbed it with both. It would've been a shame if it fell and broke.

When we arrived, we walked through the large gates denoting the name of the cemetery. First we visited Beatrix's grave. She was located far in the back of the cemetery in the left corner. Her gravestone was slightly weathered, but still easily legible. "Beatrix Ulrich Reynard" it read. Zofia placed her flowers on the dirt that covered the coffin.

With hands in her pockets, she spoke, "Hey, Bea. It's been a while, I know. I just haven't had the time or energy to come out here. Lucy is doing great. She just gave me a dog and a cat, and I named the dog after you. I also made a new friend. Her name's Eve. She's been keeping me company for the past couple of days. Thanks to her, I've finally forgiven myself for not being able to protect you." Her voice grew shaky and she sniffed as to clear her nose. "I still miss you, and I wish you were here, but I'm sure wherever you are now, you're in a better place, in better hands. I'll never forget all the times we shared together. I love you so much, my dear." She turned to me then, keeping a strong face. "Lead the way."

I could tell if she stayed her any longer, she was going to start weeping. I shifted the flowers into one hand, and held onto Zofia with my free one. Cara's grave lay on the far right of the center section. We weaved through the tombstones until I spotted her family plot. I read the names off to myself in my head until I spotted "Cara Valentine." The tombstone was clean and white compared to the others that had been there far longer than a week.

"Hey, Cara," I said, crouching and placing the carnations and rose at the foot of grave. "I miss you. I miss you a lot. When you died, I thought I had lost everything I'd ever wanted and loved. I could hardly get out of bed, and it just rained day after day. I was stuck in a deep, dark hole all by myself. I went to a bar...I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't drink, but that's how I met Zofia. She was a shining star in the darkness. Without Zofia, I don't think I'd be able to sit here right now, and just talk to you like this. I would probably still be back at my house, crying in my bed, wishing I could return to our days together. But, Zofia taught me something. She told me 'it's okay to mourn, but you still have to live.' It made me realize, that - that the sun will shine again, even in the darkest of times and deepest of places and that I can find happiness, even if you're not here to share it with me. I love you to the ends of the universe, and I hope you're out there somewhere, watching over me."

As soon as I stood up, the tears started pouring down my face. I clenched my fists, and shook as I tried to stop myself. There's no reason to be sad anymore, I told myself. I just have to cherish the memories I have of her. But the tears wouldn't stop. I was a mess.

"I want to go home," I cried. "Home to my old, burnt down apartment. Home to my girlfriend. But I know that's not possible."

Zofia stood behind me, and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I know you do, Eve, but will you... will keep me company, just a while longer?"

I had to laugh at how she almost repeated herself from the day before. I wiped my face clean with my hand, rubbing off the residue on my pants. "Yes," I said. "I think I will keep you company, just a while longer."

******

Dear readers, 

Thank you so much for reading until the end, and i'm terrible sorry that I'm over dramatic and corny.  Any feedback you have would be greatly appreciated. :)