Bettering my life: 101

we're back

i'm back. i have been busy with school and anxiety. it hasn't gotten better. i still wanna scream and cry. i wanna yell that it's not fair. nothing is fair. that's the way it is i guess.

it's ok. breathe. that's what i keep telling myself. youtube and food make me happy. filming for youtube makes me happy. i'm trying so hard to edit and film more. i haven't posted in youtube in 3 weeks. it's killing me. i haven't been able to because i was busy with drivers ed.

that class stressed me out so much. this week we have off. i'm focusing on myself all this week. i have to relax myself. listening to music as always and eating as always lol. i plan on playing by ukulele more. i'm hoping that playing it and learning more songs will help me.

i've been trying to make more internet friends. it's kinda hard but i'm trying. (if you wanna be mine you can snapchat me: chuchi709) that promo though lmao. i don't wanna talk about it anymore i'm even sick of myself for being it up to any human being but i'm not talking to anyone.

the boy i was talking to i'm over it. i know it's most likely like oh you don't mean that. i'm trying to be over it but it's hard for me mentally. i feel like my mind has been mentally fucked so hard it can't take it anymore. i'm not gonna worry about him or anyone else. i can't let it run my life and i won't.

so be it. i accept my social anxiety. i accept being attached to someone for a little bot. i accept moving on. it feels good. i just wanna be happy. i wanna not worry about it. it's a pain in the ass though. i also found a new thing i love which is makeup. i've always loved it but now even more.

i wanna do dance again but i'm not sure lol. i've been thinking about it. my weight "problem" has been ok i guess. all i do is eat now so i think i'm slim thick lmao.

i stopped working out because doing that and school wasn't working. oh by the way i joined a club. i'm proud of myself for joining. stepping out of my comfort zone and joining something.

i think youtube is gonna be something in gonna keep continuing no matter what. i feel like i can express myself more on there and i'm proud o myself. i'm proud of the number of subscribers which isn't a lot to many but it is to me.

i don't really have anything to say but i just wanted to write down a couple of things that will make me feel good. right now i'm calm. my anxiety isn't high. i'm not mad or sad. i'm neutral. i feel like no one wants to talk to me. no one wants to be bothered so i'm gonna better myself.

sick of trying to to talk to people sometimes and never get anything back. it's whatever. bye until next time.