Of Monsters and Humanity: The Genesis

Chapter 45 - Xander

Twenty-three days before....

Her cheeks turned pink.

I blinked, slightly startled, and I took her earphones out. "Did you need me for something?" I asked drearily. The bed was so comfortable that I didn't want to leave, but I would have if she asked me to.

She shook her head. "No," she murmured softly, then stood upright from against the door. "Go ahead and sleep."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Do you actually need me for something because I'm awake--"

"No, everything is good. Go rest," she interrupted in a soft, sleepy voice. "I'll see you when I get back tomorrow."

I wanted to say something, to tell her that I wanted to talk to her too, but I realized that she had class in the morning. "Goodnight, Terra," I said instead of what I wanted to. "And...thanks."

She turned around and cocked her head to the side. "For what?"

"For offering your house as a place for me to stay," I mumbled. "If you didn't, I don't know where I'd be right now."

A smile touched her lips for a moment. "You're welcome," she spoke before turning and walking down the hallway.

I watched her leave, and for just a moment, just for a glint of a second, pretended that we were alone in the house, and that is just how things were. We lived together, we coexisted. She studied and ate Chinese takeout, and I blared rock music and watched the stock market. She and I would do pretty well on our own, without any interruptions. I wondered if we would meet if Project X never existed, and if I never loved Eris. Maybe we would pass in a gas station or at a library, and neither of us would know how things could have been. I would have looked at her without thinking twice, and without realizing that she had more humanity and empathy and kindness than the girl that I would go home to every night. Eris would hate Terra--she would be completely jealous of her. Eris could dance and sing, but Terra is smarter and kinder. I could watch Eris dance ballet for hours, but I could listen to Terra tell me stories for the rest of my life. I wanted to know her, and I wanted to watch her paint. I wanted to know her entire life and watch how she projected it onto her art. I wanted to see her passion unfold in front of my eyes.

But, the latter hit me.

What if she had become one of my victims?

She was alone enough. Maybe in the parking lot at her school at night, or walking the woods surrounding this house. The worst part was, I knew deep down in my gut that I would do something like that. I could kill her and not even realize what could have been. I could have done that to hundreds of people before. I could have killed people just like Terra and I wouldn't have ever known.

My body feels like rock. I was horrible. I was disgusting and I was vile and I didn't deserve her kindness. Part of me wanted to make a scene, to try to run or strangle a soldier or something that would get me shot and taken away. Fuck, what could I have done? I couldn't be there anymore, it was suffocating me.

An evil, diabolical, sick thought poked at my brain.

What if I hurt Terra?

That would get my thrown out for sure. Back to the facility. Maybe even killed.

The darkness smiles at me.

No, no. I couldn't think like this.

But I did, and I fell asleep thinking horrible things about a girl who only wanted to know me.

How do you flirt with a girl?

They fed me today, taking me behind a treeline and giving me a normal dose of what I usually get. And as I sat against a tree and ate the poor man's heart out, I thought about what it would take to break one.

It was peaceful outside, even though it kept getting colder. Terra was off in class, probably with Damian, studying to be the thing I hated the most. Things could never work out between us. We would never be able to coexist. She would come home after a long day of saving lives to a serial killer sleeping in her guest room. That's just wrong.

I thought about Eris, and how I met her in a Shakespearean literature course in college. I, of course, was doing it out of boredom while she was actually studying. My multiple degrees had been attained a while ago. I remember seeing her straight, silvery blonde hair cascaded down her back like a glistening waterfall. And I thought oh, boy, would I like that balled up in my fist.

So I took every chance I had to shoot her a look, or to look smouldering when she saw me, or to be as deep and mysterious as I had to be when the chance arose for it. Eventually she came up to me and asked me for my number. We got along well, and we were so similar that everything just clicked. Terra would never do anything like that, and we are so different. That's why it would never work out.

So, how would I get a quiet, reserved, shy girl to have her heart broken over me?

I recalled her sensitivity, and how I probably broke her heart back in the Pit. I was so mean to her. I wish I hadn't been, but maybe that was for the best.

Her story was almost too sad to be believable, too. There was a possibility, as slight as it was, that she had been lying to me that entire time.

Fuck it.

When the military personnel lead me back inside, I took Terra's laptop to the kitchen. "Alright, Abigail Egan, what do you have for me?" I whispered to myself as I turned the computer on.

Once I got to Google, I typed "Abigail Egan" into the search bar.

At first, I hesitated. Did I want to know if she's real or not? I could live inside this fantasy for a little while longer. My guard could be up as I pretended that I believed every word she said. It would just be an extension of what was already happening.

No. I owed myself this.

I hit the enter key.