Salute! I am a Girl!

15

How do you tell someone your deepest, darkest secret? How do you confess that you haven't been completely honest with them, and that there is a whole other part to you that they never would have guessed existed? To tell them everything, to let them in and see you for what you really are.

This was the dilemma I was met with as I sat facing Liam, trying to decide how to tell him my secret. He didn't pressure me to talk, waiting silently, patiently, for me to talk to him when I was ready.

The silence surrounded us as I fought back and forth with myself, rather or not to tell him. Should I just get it all out in the open and go on like nothing had ever happened? There was no way that could happen. The minute I tell him everything would change. Liam wouldn't see me as carefree, hyper, bubbly Lily anymore. He would see me as poor, depressed, parentless Lily.

Could I get away with telling him another lie? Did I want to tell him another lie? No. It was time I stopped lying, I needed to tell someone. Someone needed to know, and right now, that someone was Liam. I took a deep breath in, ready to let my secret be known.

"My parents aren't coming to parents' day tomorrow." I said looking up at him.

"I know. You already told me they couldn't make it. It's okay, mine aren't coming either, remember? We can spend the day together; parentless. We can talk and gossip and eat junk until our heart's content. " He said looking at me with a smile.

I fought back tears, as I continued on. I wish it were as simple as that.

"I never told you why they couldn't make it."

Liam looked confused.

"My parents aren't coming because..."

I could feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and my throat getting tighter.

"They're dead." It came out as a whisper as the long awaited tears slowly began to spill down my face.

Liam's arms wound around me, pulling me into him, my head automatically went to his chest as the sobs began to rack my body.

It felt like I was being shredded apart on the inside. Long, sharp, nails tearing at me, trying to destroy what was left of me. Telling Liam had made it all too real. When I had it locked up inside of me; it was almost as if they weren't dead. I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, if I didn't have to say it out loud, than it wasn't true, that my parents weren't dead. The harsh reality was they were, and that reality was finally settling in.

I brought my head up to look at Liam, tears still running down my face. He looked down at me, his eyes shinning. The way he looked at me had been one of the things I had feared most. I could see the pity in his eyes. I didn't want pity, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, I didn't want people to treat me differently, but most of all, I didn't want my parents to be dead.

"I'm so sorry Lily."

I simply nodded my head, saying nothing.

"Is that why you're here?"

Another nod of my head, I didn't trust my voice.

His arms tightened around me and he leant his head on top of mine.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No. It's time I did." I said sitting up.

He nodded his head, signaling me to begin when I was ready.

"It wasn't too long ago. Just before I came here. They went out for dinner one night and I told them I didn't want to go. The next thing I know, there are two police officers at my door." I wiped away new forming tears and continued on. "They told me that my parents had been hit by a drunk driver; they died on the scene. I should have been with them."