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epilouge

I know this seems like an abrupt ending and it bit rushed, but I always intended it to be quite a short story. So, thank you for all the support and I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Shite!

Oh, I will be hung out on the line like a drying brassiere except it will be by my bollocks.

"Freddie, can the horses go any faster?" I stuck my head out the window to yell to the man gathering whiplash as he held the reins of the animal.

"No, sir. I do not think they can." He shouted back, scrunching his face for a split-second and wiping his face viscously. Poor sod, I think a bug just flew into his mouth.

I sat back down onto the bench and shut the window, where I repeatedly hit my head onto the side of the carriage.

I knew I should not have taken this bloody trip. Oh, it will be fine, they said. You will not miss the wedding, they said. Well, looks like they were wrong.

"Blimey, Adeline will castrate me for this." I muttered. She might divorce me after this stunt. She must look so beautiful in her dress, too. No wonder, Adeline kept telling me to have my coffin measured, might as well have my tombstone carved while we are at it, Damien Themine Olliston, murdered by his widow and blue balls. You have definitely done it now. She barely forgave you before, now this is just a nail in my grave. Literally.

Do you know how long it took to even get her to the alter? Lots of tape, chocolate and years worth of very slow, intricate planning and building towards the very moment of ultimate gratification. Six years, in fact.

First was the whole "friends" thing, oh God, that was torture.

"Friends?"

"Yes."

"You two?"

"Um...Yes."

"Are you joking me?"

"No."

He, then, burst out laughing, which is curious because we had just told him it was not a joke. Between the gasps of his howls, he managed to point at our faces and wheeze, "You and Adeline? Friends? Oh God, please stop! My stomach is already hurting from my guffaws."

"I do not see why this is so funny to you," I had to speak a tad louder, just to overcome his loud laughter.

"Sorry to break it to you, but you will not last a fortnight."

I cleared my throat, straightening back my white collar. Already first rule of thumb to getting her back, do not wear ascots or cravats. She really quite loathes them. "I will have you know that I have a plan."

"And I will have you know that your plan will fail the second she gives you that witty smile you always lull about."

"No, Harry, my plan will succeed, even if it will take me years."

"Decades are more like it, you will be long underground before she accepts."

"I am willing to wait however long and I am more than capable of upholding a conscious, genuine friendship with her."

Harry had scoffed, taking a snub out of his glass, "Do not get me wrong, you two wrote the book of peculiar relationships, but this is just...lethal, poignant even. It was one thing when you were shagging friends, but platonic friends? This is as ironic as the burning of Alexandria."