Hearts of Deceit (ManxMan)

Ch 10: Our House

I'll light the fire

Yoouu place the flowers in the vaasse

That you bought..today. 

I took a shaky sip of beer. The piano picked up.  

Staring at the fire 

For hours and hours while I listen to you

Play your love songs 

All night long for mmmeee, 

Only for me...

It was bitter and sweet. Nash and Crosby's harmony drew you in. It was a song of domestic bliss. A melody of the mundane. 

Ooouuurr house 

Is a very, very, very fine house 

With two cats in the yard

Life used to be so hard

Now everything is easy 'cause of yooouuu

I shut my eyes. Tears were threatening to spill. 

"Conrad?"

I jumped to the sound of Declan's voice. The gamma raised an eyebrow. "Everything ok?"

I sighed, turning away from him to look back down into my cup. It was a crowded spring night. I'd driven all the way from Manhattan with Elise to sulk, and I'd hoped the rambunctious patrons coupled with the music would keep me hidden. Elise was god knows where. Declan and a few of his employees ran around taking orders for the small grill. I'd hoped he wouldn't notice me. I guess even such a small desire was too much to ask for. 

"Yeah man. Why wouldn't it be?" I muttered. Declan scowled. 

"Well, for starters, you look like shit. And this is the first time you've been in Tulach Hills without..." Realization must have donned on him as he let the sentence hang in the air. There was an uncomfortable pause. I tuned back to Nash and Crosby if only to avoid having to explain.

Ooouuurr house.... 

"James is worried about you. You haven't talked to anyone in like two months, man," Declan said as he leaned back and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. It was awkward for him. Declan didn't do mushy things. He didn't do heartache. 

I shrugged. "I came out here with Elise, didn't I?"

"Yeah. And now she's talking to a group across the pub while you look like you're about to sob into your drink."

I rolled my eyes. "Life is shit, ok? Let me drink."

Conrad scoffed but I knew I caught a glimpse of a slight smirk he couldn't help. That didn't stop the utter agony I felt as he sat down across from me, his hands folded together like he was some red-headed Mother Theresa or some bullshit. 

"What about work? Can't get shit-faced on a work night."

"Actually, I can, considering I quit."

There was a silence. I looked into my beer hoping to god that he would just go away. My eyes screwed tightly, and in that moment, I tried to will everything away. That stupid song. Declan. Elise who I saw was making her way over as soon as Declan had sat down. Everything hurt. The beer tasted bitter. 

Is a very, very, very fine house....

Could someone turn off the stupid fucking song?

"Conrad..."

I stood up abruptly. What was the point? Why had I even bothered driving out?

"Conrad, wait, you can work here-"

I turned around and swiftly made my way to the door. Declan didn't go after me. I could hear Elise telling him that some drunk alpha was harassing an omega. 

The more I walked, the faster I became till I was running out the doors and down the sidewalk in a full-out sprint. Everything hurt. Everything felt cold, and useless and gray. Two months. I'd been holed up in our-my apartment for two months. The jabbing pain I woke up with every morning never dulled. The second dip in the bed was a painful, heartbreaking reminder. Every stain he left in the kitchen, every flannel he forgot in the closet. Sometimes it would all overwhelm me, a day of emotions in a swirling vortex being thrown around in my head. Other times, it was numb. Gray. Tasteless. 

Eventually I slowed down. Looking back, I couldn't even get a glimpse of the green and orange lights of the pub. It only then hit me how far I'd run. There were houses. Small, tiny houses with neat or cracked little porches. I walked on. My thoughts were a jumbled mess but one goal stood out to me in the haze.

Our house. The tiny, salmon colored house with the blue door and the rose bushes my mom used to cherish so much. My mind was hollow, clear of any thoughts as I walked up to it, steadily up the small porch where Elise, Declan, and I used to sit and eat whole slices of melons. The door was a blue-gray now, the color having faded. The porch swing was still there, albeit a bit rusty. I sat down. 

The night was a foggy one. The neighborhood was quiet. The house hosted no one. Elise and Declan's parents had both pooled money together to buy it after my parents passed, and I'd left. It was occasionally rented but I knew everything was still in there. My mom's small china set. The tiny, bulky TV. The quilts hung on the living room walls. 

I closed my eyes and leaned back in the swing. I hadn't been here in years. The home that held so much of my parents and their spirits.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad. I love you." 

This time, the tears that slid down my face weren't bitter, resentful, or bereaved. They were content. Peaceful. Melancholy. Part of me thought my mother would come out the door at any moment and ask me what I doing up so late outside on the swing. She'd see that I was crying, wipe the tears away and carry me up to their room to sleep in. Dad would have sat down next to me and we would have looked up at the constellations until my exasperated mother would come out and take us both in. 

I heaved a sigh. A thought came to me. I would take Elise, Declan, and James here. As an apology. We'd sit out on the porch and eat melons like we used to. Here, together, in front of my house. Our house. 

-8-

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