From the Razor to the Rosary (Completed)

Chapter Fifteen - Cemetery Drive.

  Pain. That’s all I can feel, but I can’t remember why. I’m definitely conscious, but I can’t see, and I can’t feel anything either. I feel heavy and weighed down, as if restrained, there’s only darkness, it doesn’t scare me, I’ve never been scared of the dark, and the black seems comforting anyway. 

  What the hell happened? It seems as if my memory has been wiped clean, or as if the memories have been blocked. Did I fall again and this time really do damage? Or maybe I had a fight, that would be unfortunate, two fights in two days.

  I don’t know how long it lasts, there’s no way to tell the time. But I start to feel uncomfortable, I hate the heavy feeling, I hate the idea of not knowing where I am or what’s happening, I could be laid dying on the pavement for all I know, what the hell do I get myself into? 

  I try to force my eyes open, to no avail. I don’t know how long I try to do that, but I don’t give up. I try flexing my fingers, my toes, and try clenching different parts of my body. At one point, I’m almost certain that when I try clenching my fingers, something squeezes back; I try desperately to clench my fingers again, but my strength flees. 

  After what feels like an eternity of trying, I finally force open my eyes. White blinds me, and an irritating beep attacks my ears, I try to sit up, but my body is still in that heavy weighed down state. 

  A set of shocked hazel eyes loom over me, blinking at me in shock, I don’t react, I can’t react. It feels like I’ve been drugged. 

  “You shouldn’t be awake” the voice is familiar, but I don’t have time to try and place it, because the next second, I fall back into the same darkness. 

  I don’t try to fight my way out of unconsciousness this time. It’s too much effort, effort I can’t seem to gather, so I wait, I try and reach a sleeping state, but that doesn’t really work, so instead I imagine things instead. Pulling memories from the depths of my mind to view over again, making sure I remember certain things to make sure I never forget them. 

  Most of them have Gerard in, when we painted Donna’s roses red. The first time we met. The time when he fell over and hit his head, how blood had pooled around his skull and how loudly I had screamed, that was the first time I ever realised how much I needed him. 

  The time when Helena wouldn’t let me go over to his house and I’d written a sign on my bedroom window for him to see across the street, how he’d marched over and yelled at Helena even though we were still only children. 

  The first time I’d ever had a fight for him, a boy had taken Gerard’s paintbrushes off of him, and I’d marched over, beaten up the boy and brought the paintbrushes back again, that was the first ever time Gerard had kissed me, he'd been so overwhelmed with joy he'd jumped up, flung his arms around me and planted a kiss right on my lips, afterwards we'd both stepped back quickly and wiped our mouths, and I don't think I've ever seen Gerard go as red as he did that day, we were only nine then. 

  Just as I’m flitting between memories, pausing in the blackness, I realise the blackness isn’t really as complete as before. With a jolt I realise I don’t feel weighed down, I can suddenly feel something beneath my body and I can feel itchy sheets laid over me. 

  I wrench my eyes open, gasping as I do. The first thing I see is a white ceiling, not the best of sights. I twist my head with some difficulty, and the first things I see are monitors. Ah, that’s where the beeping has been coming from. The walls of the room are a boring white, too white, I’m practically blinded. It’s obvious I’m in a hospital. But what the fuck for?! 

 Just then, the door is thrust open, and a young nurse bustles into the room, she arches a blond eyebrow when she sees me with my eyes open. 

“You’re awake” she states obviously.