Ellie glanced around, glanced backwards at Sameh. Sameh was watching her, thinking. Sameh probably understood the situation too. She thought a lot like Ellie did.
“Habibi…” Sameh said.
“Wait,” Ellie said.
“Habibi, we need to…”
“Just wait.”
Terry opened his mouth again. Ellie raised her sidearm and pointed it at his face.
“Wait,” she said. “You too.”
Terry nodded.
“Everyone just stop talking,” Ellie said. “Please. Everyone just give me a moment. Keep quiet, and let me think.”
Terry did, and behind Ellie, Sameh did too.
Ellie thought. She thought about just killing everyone. About shooting Terry as he stood there, and then shooting the rest of the militia, one after the other. About using the drone to blow the bunker building open and kill everyone inside. She thought about it to the point of deciding exactly how she’d do it if she needed to, about having them all turn around and face away from her. About shooting Terry in the back of the head, then taking four steps sideways and shooting the next person. And then the next. Quickly, before very many of them realized what was happening, and before they could do much to stop her.
She thought about it, and pictured doing it, and then, despite herself, she decided not to.
She was sick of killing. Suddenly, she just was.
She usually got that way after combat, and it usually happened quite quickly.
In the middle of a firefight she’d shoot prisoners if she had to, shoot children if they were in the way, would fire erratically in crowds, just like Sameh, and not care very much where her stray rounds went. But that was in combat. Right afterwards, as soon as she felt safe again, as soon as her adrenaline and the battlefield meds in her system stopped spiking, then she calmed down and usually felt quite disgusted at herself, and guilty about the people she’d killed. Usually, then, she wanted just to stop and not kill any more, even when it made sense to.
Even when it was sensible, she didn’t like killing. Not then and not now.
She thought, in the silence, and realized she’d decided.
She couldn’t keep killing. Not even for Naomi.
At least, not without trying a better, gentler way to solve this first.
BINABASA MO ANG
The Debt Collectors War
ActionEllie is a soldier in a world without governments. A generation ago, a series of financial crises caused most of the world’s governments to collapse, and left many of the people in those countries in terrible personal debt. Since then, the worst de...
