Ghosts Of The Past [BoyxBoy] ✓

26. Plead

I'm on the bed next to Neil and we're watching a movie. This is insane. I came here to confront him. To finally know why he did what he did and let him know how much it hurt me. But now I'm here in his fucking bed and it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Because I have him back. The kind, caring man that made me feel happy to be alive is back. Do I really want to ruin that? Maybe the original plan was to yell at him, to let it all out. But maybe the universe's plan was to let us reconcile. To leave the past in the past and just start again. Is that so wrong? To just let it go?

I haven't even paid attention to the movie. In fact, I don't even know what movie this is. I'm too busy thinking. 

Neil's arm is around my shoulder and I'm leaning on him. And it feels normal. I'm not shaking or uncomfortable. I'm just normal. I look up at him. His eyes are on the screen and he's caressing my arm. He laughs at some joke and crows feet appear near his eye. It's comforting watching him. 

He turns to me. 

"You're watching me more than you're watching the movie." He smiles. 

I look back at the screen. "Oh, sorry." I blush. 

"No, that's fine." He smirks. "I like it when you look at me." 

"Why?" I ask, my voice strained. I frown and think 'here it comes'.

But it doesn't.

"I just do." He answers casually. 

His hand slides from my arm to my waist and he squeezes me tenderly. 

I flinch a little. 

And I think back. And see him lean over me in my mind. His green eyes like the gaze of a monster.

I have to talk to him about this. I have to. I push myself. 

"D-do you think maybe we could.." I look into his eyes and he searches in mine. I remember to breathe. "We should talk about.. Y'know.. what happened.." 

He looks at me blankly like he has no clue what I'm talking about. 

"You know.. back in the day." I look at the sheets. 

"Oh Sky," He squeezes me more. "Don't you think it's better to leave the past in the past? We're happy now, aren't we?"

"I— I know but—"

"And you don't want to ruin this moment, do you?" He murmurs. 

"No, but.. I just wanna know why.." I struggle to speak.

"Why? Well, because I love you, that's why." He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. 

I don't have the strength to keep asking. It's like I'm drudging through mud. And I just wanna give in and stop. 

"Okay. Sorry." 

"No need to apologize." He says warmly. 

I curse myself for being such a coward. 

But on the other side I'm happy I didn't ruin the moment. We're reconciling. We're letting go of the past. And that's good, right?

He keeps caressing me. 

And I feel comforted.. and safe.

And my eyelids get heavy and somehow.. I fall asleep. 

***

I open my eyes and look around. Neil is gone. I'm alone in his bedroom. 

Fear races through my body as I think of what could possibly have happened. So I look down.