BLOOD AND BONE | rewritten

44

It was strange how being on the run for so long made the IMC compound feel safe in comparison. The fact that anyone could turn on anyone seemed more desirable than being sold for her body. Although Hunt had significantly lessened the amount of overseeing soldiers, Delphinium's guard was far from weakened.

That was beginning to take an unavoidable toll on her. Being in a constant state of alertness was taxing, but this was worse than usual. Why was she only feeling the brunt of it now and not when she fought to live every day of the past two weeks?

I'm safer than before, she reminded herself, hoping it would quell the rising dread in her chest. Not safe, but safer.

Struggling to keep her breath even, Delphinium's fingers absentmindedly went to the place where the holes in her flesh used to be. Healed now. Though sometimes she thought she felt pain there until she concluded it wasn't possible.

I'm okay. I'm okay. It wasn't as if she was in any immediate danger. Hell, she'd been bleeding out and calmer than this. What was wrong with her?

Delphinium's chest was starting to hurt. She wrapped her arms around herself, gasping for air. She was choking, drowning on dry land. Not this. Not this. Pain was sometimes a trigger...

Thoughts flew in and out of her mind at random. Uncontrollable. She couldn't think straight. Despite the fact that she was sitting on the bed, her legs gave out. She slid to the floor, feeling boneless. She'd been in thousands of fights, but she couldn't recall ever sweating this much before. Bullets of sweat ran down her face. The amount of it didn't seem right for the human body.

The pain in her spine and chest was debilitating. It didn't really exist. Not from any injury. It wasn't supposed to be real. Delphinium gritted her teeth. Why did it feel so real?

She couldn't stop inhaling. If she didn't snap out of it, she would die. Still clutching her ribcage as if she could hold the pieces of herself together, she rested her forehead on the cold ground.

When Delphinium opened her eyes again, her vision was smothered with an array of bright light. Unconsciousness was welcoming her with outstretched arms.

White. So blindingly white.

Delphinium was chilled to the bone.

A small prick of pain. Then another. Another. She resisted the urge to recoil away.

In pulses all over her body, her heart beat madly. Her stomach clenched and tied itself in knots when she wondered what was to come.

She didn't want it to end like this.

A man's approaching silhouette. Delphinium remembered her spike of terror, so real and overpowering she could taste it. She remembered thinking her bladder relieved itself. She remembered wanting to writhe or strike out, but her instinct was to remain as still as a corpse. It would be over faster if she didn't fight.

The man's presence was gone. Delphinium prayed he would leave her and never come back. It was a false hope. And it was all she had left.

She saw nothing except that searing light, but she felt the weight of a hundred calculated gazes on her. They never looked away, never left her for a moment of privacy.

Her fists curled on the cold floor. She couldn't feel them on the ends of her arms. In moments like this, she hoped some benevolent god would let her die right then and there.

Delphinium remembered her bloodstream being filled with fire. Every nerve in her body screaming in agony, arcing against the straps holding her down.

It was the most excruciating torture she had ever felt, because she did not know what came next. She was sure he was going to let her die this time. Finally.

She never made a sound. It seemed the white-hot pain had stolen her voice. Maybe for good.

She had given him everything he asked her for. Why did he do this to her?

Delphinium remembered skittering on the edge between life and death, dangerously close to slipping over to the latter. The discomfort spreading from the crown of her head to the bottoms of her feet increased tenfold. Electricity, pure and raw.

She wished she cared enough about herself to do more than accept it. But she just laid there, as if it was what she deserved.

Delphinium knew her actions warranted punishment of the highest kind. The one atrocity she did not deserve was their belief that they could do as they wished to her because she belonged to them.

Though as she lay huddled on the floor of her quarters, petrified into stillness, she wondered if she still did belong to them.

Delphinium's innards churned when she struggled to get to her feet. Just like in the her vision, her limbs trembled like a newborn fawn's. By some miracle, she made it to the bathroom and kneeled by the toilet. She didn't have enough energy to keep her head up, so she propped her chin in a weak palm.

Nothing came up. Her heart rate was starting to deescalate from its frightening speed. Squeezing her eyes shut, Delphinium rested her face in her hands. It was traumatizing enough to have lived through the events once. But reliving them over and over was a hell she didn't think she could take more of.

Delphinium sat on the bathroom floor for a long while, letting herself calm down. Slowly but surely, the throat-gripping fear that overtook her so suddenly began to subside to its normal amount. Now only the fatigue remained. And the memory. Those never left her.

When she was strong enough to support her own weight again, she stood and smoothed her hair in the mirror. Splashing her pallid face with water made her feel better, if only infinitesimally. She would never let any sign of it show. It was the most intimate, personal kind of suffering.

Delphinium flinched at a sharp rap on her door. It took her a moment to regain her cool air before unlocking the door.

Her gaze narrowed on Jake. "Quickly, Tesla," he said, tapping his foot. "We have somewhere to be."