When Stars Align

Chapter 38 - Jar Of Thoughts

Marianne's POV

After my classes are done, i try to look a little busy to allow people to leave the school so i don't have to interact with any teacher's at least for today.

And after sometime, the school grounds are alot more quiet, meaning most people have left, but i continue to sit in my class, oblivious to the time passing, just lost in my own mind, thinking, contemplating, deciding.

I am conflicted, between my heart and my mind.

I don't know what to do.

No, i do know what to do.....I should leave, move out of his place, that's the right thing to do....but i don't want too at the same time.

I can't believe everything has changed so quickly. It's so had to see how something that felt so perfect and right a few days ago has been completely shattered into tiny pieces that i don't know of they can ever be fixed again.

It's hurts alot, to think about being without him and starting to forget him, I don't think i can love anyone the way i love him.

But the thought of slowly losing him to someone during this marriage period or whatever it is, is almost crippling, i wouldn't bear it if he loved someone else.

That's why i am better off just walking away now before all that drama starts and i get even more hurt.

I really wish i didn't have to leave him, otherwise how will i ever face people when they start talking, my mother, my friends....it's like that incident in high school all over again where my dignity and reputation as a woman is going to be questioned.

After sharing with him my past and how i feel about such things, how can he put me in such a position again?

He didn't even confide in me to tell me he had been pushed into a corner and had to act fast, instead he acts on his own a decision that will affect me that i later find out from the media a week later and he expects me to support him.

"Hey....." Rachel utters walking through my door.

"Hai..." I smile at her, putting a lid on my jar of thoughts.

"That sexy driver of yours has been waiting outside for you for over forty minutes." She utters.

I smile even wider.

That would be Elijah.

Rachel has taken a liking to him and flirts with him each time it's his turn to come pick me up, the poor guy doesn't quite know how to react to her.

I start to gather my things.

"If you want to talk, or beat someone up, or slash the tires to someone's car or something, you know i am your girl right?" she grins, making me laugh.

"I will remember that, thanks."

We walk out together and she as usual, comes to say hi to Elijah before walking to her own car. He maintains his usual professionalism by being polite and ignoring her flirty advances.

He always looks uncomfortable in her presence, which is such a funny look considering Rachel's stature is smaller than his.

I always wonder if he would behave differently towards her if i wasn't around.

During the drive, i think about the logistics off my next move.

I spoke to mom at lunch time and she asked if i needed her to come over for a few days, but i declined.

I never told her i had moved in with Angelo and would rather be at my own place when she finally visits me again.

My old apartment has already been rented out, so i can't go back there. Luke offered me a place to stay in the meantime today, after he put aside the fact that i moved out without telling him, something he is sure to bring up later.